Alli Rogers Blog

My Birth Playlist

2012-01-10T10:23:00.001-06:00

When I went into labor in November, I asked my husband to bring me my computer because I needed some music. I needed songs whose lyrics could encourage me and connect with my heart. This playlist was in my itunes and it seemed to fit the bill. These are the songs that were on repeat for those several hours before and right after Norah was born. It turned out to be the perfect mix of songs of surrender, strength, and purpose. Thank you to you whose music is on here, your songs gave me courage!

Tell Me Again- Michael Olson and Sara Groves

Hallelujahs- Chris Rice

Leave It Up To You- Jill Phillips

Dig Deep- Elizabeth Foster (this was a crucial song for me, thank you Elizabeth!)

Love Will Always Find It’s Way- Pierce Pettis

Conversations-Sara Groves

Hymn- Brooke Fraser

Hallelujah-Bethany Dillon

Remember Surrender-Sara Groves

You Move Me- Pierce Pettis

I Am-Jill Phillips

Done Living- Justin McRoberts

Your Hands- JJ Heller

Seeds- Brooke Fraser

Great Big World-Pierce Pettis

Undone-Sara Groves

Rock of Ages (When the Day Seems Long)- Sandra McCracken

You Cannot Lose My Love- Sara Groves

Everything- Jill Phillips

For those who walk the races

2011-12-30T10:08:00.001-06:00

This year has been a tiring one, full of many changes here at the end. I am grateful for, as I’ve said in previous posts, this full time dependence on a strength outside of myself. It is good to be here. It’s also good to know that God is okay with my moving slowly. My taking it one day, one hour at a time. I can find several scriptures that tell me this, but my favorite is this one.

Isaiah 40:31

those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Notice the acknowledgment in this verse that even walking can result in faintness. There is a lot more walking than running in my life these days. I am the one who is not in the race to win, I am just in to finish. And that doesn’t mean that my expereince is any less rich, it might even mean the opposite.

While watching the Ironman race recently the stories that kept me on the edge of my seat were not the record setters, but the last place finishers. The 75 year old man, the woman who recently lost 100 lbs, the cancer surviver.

So for those of you at the end of the pack with me today, walking and not running, for whatever reason, we can soar on wings like eagles too.

Christmas with a newborn

2011-12-20T11:07:00.002-06:00

This is an exceptional Christmas season for me. I gave birth to my daughter the day before December began and have spent the last couple weeks recovering and getting to know these new hands and this new face. Norah and I are figuring things out as best as we can. Achieving small milestones one day at a time. Getting out of bed in the morning (and in the middle of the night because she has yet to know the difference), remembering to eat meals and feed my family, changing diapers and cleaning spit up, getting rid of jaundice... small victories make up my days.

There have been no Christmas parties for me this December, no visits to the mall to see the window decorations, no shopping apart from a couple grocery store visits. I have yet to listen to the station on the radio which plays non-stop Christmas music, something I normally indulge in. I am a sucker for sentimentality, but this year... every small taste I have had of what the culture deems “Christmasy” has left me thirsty. This year... it is all about this baby.

Jesus came to earth as a baby. A crying, pooping, breastfeeding, spitting up baby. He was fully human which means the creator of the sun and the moon came to the earth in a body which at first breath knew no difference between night and day.

This Christmas eve night and in the dark early hours of December 25th, I will be up, holding and nursing and caring for a newborn baby.

And this will be my celebration of the incarnation. This is my worship. Perhaps God is opening the veil for me a little bit more this year...perhaps I will get to experience Christmas in a new way.

I have much to be thankful for.

New Kids Record!

2011-12-15T10:56:00.007-06:00

Well if you haven’t heard my big news (besides the birth of our daughter) let me fill you in. I have a new record available today! I have joined forces with Andrew Simple who has produced several Rockabye Baby! Albums, (although you might be more familiar with his songs you've probably heard in Best Buy, Travelers Insurance, and Pillsbury commercials) and we are releasing a kids record of all original songs under the name Alli and Andrew!

We also have 2 videos up on youtube and one more that should be up by the end of the week! The first is this video of the song H-E-L-P featured on the album,

(click on this link to watch this full screen)

And we also have this Justin Bieber parody video we did for your comical enjoyment...

(click here to watch this full screen)

If you have kids, have friends or family with kids, or are going to be in the car with kids driving to grandma's house this Christmas then this is the perfect record for you!

I am so grateful for your continued support of my music and hope you enjoy this new side of me in this season. I hope the little ones in your life enjoy listening and dancing to Alli and Andrew as much as we enjoyed creating it!

A Daughter

2011-12-04T12:10:00.002-06:00

I have a daughter. This makes me cry just saying it in these first days. A sweet, squirmy, yawning, crying in a high pitched sound that her brother has never in his life made, little girl. Norah Lynn was born in the early hours of November 30th, last wednesday. We had a home birth this time around and that deserves a blog all it’s own for the gift it was to us. We put James to bed tuesday night and when he awoke in the morning, there was a new sister to meet. What a miracle!

I am still searching for the right words and ways to say things so for now I will just let it be known that she is here, that all is well, and that God has been so gracious to us to give us such a beautiful baby in such a beautiful way. Over and over in these past few days my heart has exclaimed, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior...” (Luke 1:46-47)

Thank you for your prayers and words of congratulations, we feel very loved and surrounded in this season, another enormous gift.

Story behind the song - Springtime

2011-11-01T13:21:00.002-05:00

I am at the end. Of pregnancy that is.

I am in my final few weeks of carrying this child and the song on my lips is “I need thee every hour....” as it was in the beginning of pregnancy, it is now and will continue to be, well, every hour.

I wrote the song Springtime last winter about this and it is on my new EP.

When I was early pregnant with James who is now 2 1/2, I found myself crying in church to the above mentioned hymn. I was about to embark on a tour (with lots of doggy bags in hand) and I was not feeling up to the challenge of pregnancy let alone becoming a mother.

Oh how good it has been for me in this season of child rearing to be desperate. To be dependent on God, because for so long I felt like I was coasting. Like a song from my very first record says, “when I’m away from my source of peace...something fills that space in me...and it feels like I don’t need you.”

I was so tired of feeling self sufficient. It really only led to being disgusted with my own pride and greed. (which of course led me to my... yep... need.)

So I felt it three years ago and Lord knows I feel it today. I need thee every hour.

I have loved the book Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon. It’s a years worth of short devotional readings for every day. The reading from the day James was born spoke like it was God himself talking to me, and I think He might have been. The sentence that stuck with me the most was this:

O Lord, if it be not spring time in my chilly heart, I pray Thee make it so, for I am heartily weary of living at a distance from Thee.

I have not let go of this phrase and even wrote a blog about it at the time. God has been so good to allow me to thirst for Him in these ways. How easy it is (in our culture especially) to be content with gatorade when we’ve been offered living water.

So I am thanking God for the end of this pregnancy. If you ask me how I am doing, does my back hurt? Am I sleeping okay? Am I ready to have another one? I will have a hard time giving you a smiley happy answer. But know that I am thankful, know that it is very good to need Thee every hour.

Why We Sing EP Now Available!

2011-10-20T13:02:00.003-05:00

It has been a long time coming but I'm excited to say that my new EP, Why We Sing is now available! After 10 years of making music, it feels right to release this collection of songs that are a reminder to me, and hopefully to you who listen, why it is we keep singing.

Last fall, with several family members, I witnessed my grandfather transition from this earth into the forever kingdom of God. He passed away in a hospital bed as we sang the words to the final verse of the modern hymn “In Christ Alone”. 10 minutes after his passing our family sang the doxology around his bed. Praise God from whom all blessings flow... praise Him all creatures here below...praise Him above ye heavenly hosts...

I learned a great lesson in Praise on that day. In those moments of loss there is nothing to lean on but the power and promise of a loving God.

It has been experiences like these in the last couple years that have led me to record “Why We Sing”, an EP of hymns and worship songs.

I hope that as you listen, no matter where you are on your journey, you will be inspired to sing. Because the journey itself, with all of it’s uncertainty’s, is one of the reasons why we sing. And my heart needed to sing these songs.

I hope you enjoy the new EP! Click here to check it out in the store section of allirogers.com. Also please check out some of the other work by Scott Erickson who painted the artwork for the cover, I'm a huge fan!

Geoff Moore and Sara Groves

2011-08-30T12:30:00.006-05:00

There are two records available today that I am very honored to be a small part of. The first is Geoff Moore’s new record, Saying Grace. It was so fun for me to write with Geoff, someone whose songs have influenced my life over the years, as well as the church as a whole. He is the sweetest man and I look up to him greatly, so to share stories and write music together was a great joy for me! Thank you Geoff!

Geoff, Don Chaffer and I wrote “Saying Grace” and “The Long Way” together, and Geoff and I wrote “Find me in the Fields”. The last one is a title Geoff had brought up and I’m so glad he did because I loved it immediately. My husband and I are going camping as our last mini vacation before this new baby enters the picture, and that to me is more of a vacation than a beach resort most days. I don’t know what it is, but I do seem to find rest and hear God clearer “in the fields”, as Geoff does. The song talks about literal and metaphorical fields and is a good reminder for me to live life to the fullest.

I am proud of all the songs I got to be a part of, and I really love the rest of this record as well. The song “The wonder of kindness” is probably my favorite on the record, if I can say that. :) Even though I had no part in it! Geoff and Don wrote that one really beautifully and it moves me every time I hear it. Check out his record here!

The second record I want to tell you about is Sara Groves new project called Invisible Empires. What a great title and cover, huh?
Sara has been an inspiration for me as a singer/songwriter, woman, and believer! Her music has meant so much to me and to get to write with her for this record was really quite a privilege. I try really hard to listen to other peoples records, but more often than not it is Sara’s that I put on at the end of the day. I just can’t get enough! We wrote the song “Open my hands” together on this project. It was inspired by our conversation about the “Good things” of God. On her last record, she referenced a verse from the Psalms that talks of God withholding no good thing from those who walk uprightly. We wanted to continue that thought. A quote inspired us:

“...but how is this true, when God oftentimes withholds riches and honours and health of body from men, though they walk ever so uprightly; we may therefore know that honours and riches and bodily strength are none of God’s good things;... and the good things of God are chiefly peace of conscience and joy in the Holy Ghost in this life; fruition of God’s presence, and vision of His blessed face in the next, and these good things God never bestows upon the wicked, and never withholds from the godly.”
-Sir Richard Baker

This truth is a constant encouragement to me and Sara’s prayer in this song of opening our hands to whatever God has for us is such a great prayer. Thank you Sara! You can order Sara's record today here. (and she has a really great package deal that includes a tshirt, an instant download with bonus songs and commentary on the record)

I love writing songs. I always have... and I suspect I always will. It will look different over the years I’m sure, but the gift of being a part of projects like these has been life giving for me. I hope you’ll check them out!

Expecting...

2011-07-31T14:30:00.001-05:00

I am expecting my second child this thanksgiving. So far this pregnancy has been yet another reminder of my lack of control, my surrender to the workings of God and this child growing. I remember James this way, I remember his pregnancy as a turning point in my life and I feel I am a better person ever since the presence of him became known. I can’t describe the layers of pride that are stripped back by such a light in my life. And so... this next one. How do I welcome this again? How can I handle such a violent change in identity yet again?

I am more scared this time.

Maybe because I know what is coming, and I know how my heart will stretch and grow. Am I ready?

I recently saw this child on the screen of an ultrasound. I saw the legs curled up, those little toes. I saw the rib cage and the back bone, and a heart with 4 distinct chambers beating on and on like a promise. Arms stretching out over the head, hands opening and closing. I saw eyes, nose, mouth and ears, growing in their unique way into a face that I will kiss countless times in the months and years to come. I cried to see him/her for the first time. My two year old was upset to see me crying and almost started crying himself. If only I could tell him what a miracle he is, and how overwhelmed his mama is to witness such creation right here in her own womb.

This baby will not be perfect. No person is. But it is my child, a gift given to me by God himself. Woven together in my womb by a power so above my own that I bow down and worship this Creator.

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
Psalm 139: 13-16 (new living translation)

Playing "Iowa" for the Iowa house

2011-05-31T11:33:00.002-05:00

My dad is an Iowa House Representative and last month I got the chance to spend a day with him at the capitol in Des Moines. I played my song "Iowa" on the house floor at the beginning of the day. I also had the honor of playing at the Iowa prayer breakfast the next day. I am very proud of my dad and my time with him there was a great experience. He has made several videos during this years term and I made an appearance in this one so I thought I'd share it with you. At the end you even get to see me scared of heights at the top of the capitol dome!

Papa, Hold You?

2011-05-16T21:09:00.000-05:00

Today I watched several episodes of Dinasour Train with my feverish two year old, who could not decide what he needed to make him feel better. One minute he wanted to play with his cars and trucks so I would set him by his toys, and then he wanted me to hold him. I would hold him and then he would want me to put him down. I would put him down and then he would want me to hold him again. Oh, the sweet delirium of a sick toddler. At the risk of taking every parenting happening and turning it into a sunday school lesson (which is easy to do, trust me) let me just say,

I do this with God ALL THE TIME. It is scary to trust God with everything. To let him hold me and just keep holding me. Even when I want to get down to see something closer or test out my legs. He must know I will turn right around and say, “Papa, hold you?” (this is James way of saying, pick me up!) And He always picks me back up again. But oh, for a heart that would not long to be set down, even for a minute.

There is nothing better than holding a child you love and having them lay on your shoulder, giving you all of their weight. Nothing better.

1 John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

The Way He Saw Us

2011-02-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

When my Grandpa died this past October, we spent a lot of time going through pictures. My grandpa loved photography and had a camera around his neck every chance he got. So while we did find some wonderful shots capturing his joyful, contented smile, what we mostly found were pictures of us.

*My grandma and her four daughters sitting around the patio laughing with each other. My mom is pregnant with my older brother and is wearing running shorts and a tube top, tan as can be! My beautiful grandma has her legs crossed and her arms dangling over the lawn chair. *Click* I can hear the camera as he snapped the shot of his girls relaxing together.

*My cousins and I hunting for Easter eggs in the backyard, I am wearing only a diaper and my blond curls hug my chubby cheeks. *Click* I can picture my grandpa bending down to capture my toddler smile.

*My younger brother on the sandbar of the Mississippi sitting under grandpas umbrella next to one of his metal pop holders stuck in the sand. He is smiling that devilishly cute grin that he still sports today. *Click* I’m sure minutes after this one was taken we were all sprayed with water by my dad, skiing into the shore.

My favorite is one grandpa took from the balcony of a condo in Orange Beach, AL. Grandpa and Grandma spent several winters down there and it has become a very peaceful place for me in a couple different anxious times of my life. The picture I now have is one that grandpa took of me standing on the beach on a cold morning. I am staring out at the water pondering something serious, I’m sure. In the photo you can see his camera strap dangling in the corner.

I like to picture him pulling the camera up to his eyes, squinting, aiming, *click* And then pulling back and watching me a minute longer before going inside to get warm.

I’ve been thinking of Grandpa a lot lately. Missing him. Surprised at every thought I have of him, that he will not be there next time I go home.

I watch James now, playing with his trucks and cars, busy discovering his world. I watch him bend down to pick up a handful of snow, the way I would pick up a shell on the beach, turning it over in my hands. *Click*

HMK Tour

2010-12-22T14:32:00.002-06:00

Well, The How Many Kings Tour was a great time. We played 15 shows in 18 days and I think we are all glad to see our families again! But if you're gonna be away from your family, I couldn't have asked for a better group. It was a blast, full of great shows, new friendships, meaningful conversations, lots of laughs, and a couple bus adventures including spending a night in Kentucky on the side of the road due to a legit snow storm (the Iowa in me has to clarify whether it was legit or not...it was) and unloading all of our luggage and merch from under the bus on the side of the interstate and taking a shuttle to a show. I can never say it was uneventful. :)

Thank you to everyone who came out to see me at the shows, you made my nights!! And to all of the new faces I met along the way, thank you for welcoming me in and supporting my music!

I hope everyone has a great Christmas!

Highlights

2010-12-15T15:20:00.004-06:00

Well I finally got to rock James to sleep for his nap today. The best 5 minutes of my month. Some other highlights from the past few shows:

-Being in my hometown (Cedar Falls, IA), seeing family and friends and eating my moms monster bars!
-an awesome gift of self purifying water bottles for the whole tour crew from my high school friend, Johnni. Thanks Johnni!! We love them! She also gave me a super warm pair of socks that came in handy for my next highlight...
-watching the snow fall in Eastern Kentucky! The down side of the beautiful blizzard that night was that our bus had to pull over on the side of the road instead of driving home for a day off, to a day whose to do list kept getting longer and longer... in the end I got back to Nashville around dinner time when I should have been there for breakfast. Not too bad considering the craziness of that 24 hours. After a crammed full day yesterday, ending with a great show in Elizabethtown, I got to come home for one more day with my favorite two boys on earth.

Four more shows left, North Carolina, Maryland, Georgia and Ohio. Thanks to everyone who has come out to the shows already this month! Hope to see some of you still.

Sweet Faces

2010-12-09T22:58:00.003-06:00

Almost every show night there is someone who is Jesus to me. Someone who looks in my eyes and tells me just what I need to hear. Sometimes it's a friend, or someone I know, but often it's someone I've just met.

Each night, in Waukesha WI, Minot, ND and Edgerton, MN, there were those sweet words that kept me going despite my fatigue (this schedule is tiring!)

In Shawnee, KS it was a Sandy who made me feel so loved. Sandy thanked me for the sacrifices musicians make to listen to the call they feel on their life. (I started tearing up...) She empathized with how hard it is for me to be away from James at his age and told me about her two grown kids. Her eyes reminded me of my aunt Janet, who has always had kind eyes. My favorite moment was when her husband Kevin, as he introduced himself said, "I'm the lucky one" and pointed to Sandy, smiling. Thank you for your sincerity, your encouragement, your reminder of why I do what I do.

1 John 2:28
And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

Zeeland, MI

2010-12-05T13:52:00.004-06:00

Thank you Michigan for a great show! In addition to there being coffee available in almost every room (my kind of people ;), I will remember Zeeland by what was written on the white board in my dressing room. It was a great reminder to me all day:

Madison, WI

2010-12-04T10:25:00.003-06:00

Starting to find a rhythm.

It's been awhile since I existed on this schedule. Going to bed after midnight and waking after 8 or 9. My body is as confused as my heart, after two years of domesticating myself. It is a good kind of stretching. I know myself well enough to know that if my little world isn't shaken up every now and then I am in danger of building a cocoon around my heart.

Thank you to the sweet girls who ran my merch table last night and who, after witnessing my uncontrollable yawning, brought me a coke to wake me up! I don't drink coke, but the offer itself woke me up! So sweet.

We loaded the bus to the first snow of Madison. It was, like every first snow of the year, beautiful. I have several snow songs that have never made it on to a record...perhaps I'll have to resurrect them this winter.

There are 2 other girls with me on this tour, and we decided the bus needed a makeover, here is a pic of some of our work from last night. NOW, it's a Christmas tour. :)

Hastings, NE

2010-12-03T11:41:00.004-06:00

Thank you Hastings for welcoming us so kindly. Our first show went great thanks to your generous hearts. It’s crazy how briefly lives can intersect, how our stories will have this same page to share.

I want to say thank you to the woman from Arkansas who hugged me last night and told me “You go girl” in a quiet and motherly tone. I fell into her arms after a long day like I would have fallen into my own mothers arms. I needed that. I wish I could remember your name now, it started with an A and was really beautiful.

I am tired, I miss my boys terribly, and I am grateful for this opportunity to sing about Jesus.

Here begins a month of lights and sound and turkey sandwiches. But mostly this month is about:

That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched- this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it, and we proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and has appeared to us. We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete.
1 John 1: 1-4

Christmas Tour with Mark Schultz and Downhere

2010-11-12T12:51:00.003-06:00

Two years ago I was on tour with the Robbie Seay Band and Chris Taylor, carrying a little boy in my belly! Since James was born, I have taken it easy and enjoyed some time at home, writing and being a mama. For the last few months though, I've been anxious to get back out on the road and I am so excited about my first tour back!

Starting December 2nd, I will be joining Mark Schultz and Downhere for the How Many Kings Christmas Tour. I feel like I have a new energy for music these days and can't wait to play these Christmas songs again. I hope you can make it out to a show!!

Why My Grandpa's Death Gives Me Hope

2010-10-27T23:01:00.010-05:00

My grandfather had a smell. The kind of smell that made me smile hours after a hug from him. The kind of smell that makes me feel safe and loved and about 10 years old still, if I find it upon my nose.

He loved my long hair. I would cut it and then grow it out again and every time it was long enough for him to reach back and flip with his hand, he would smile gently and say "ah, your hair is long enough to flip!"

My grandpa would whisper in my ear as we parted… "be good". or "be a good girl". It was his trademark, one discussed at his funeral in length and remembered by many of those who had the privilege of knowing him. We knew he didn’t mean to tell us to get good grades, or go to a good college. He didn’t mean make lots of money or get a good job, or eat your greens.

He was a man of few words, especially in large groups, but his actions spoke loudly and we knew by the way he lived his life, what he meant by “be good”.

A few years ago we asked he and Grandma to reflect on their lives and tell us stories. We video taped it, and at his funeral we watched a teary Grandpa remind us...

“I have tried to do...what is right. And I didn’t always do that- but I knew the Lord would forgive me..... I am so satisfied with what we got. You can all see the good Lord’s been good to me.”

He says that and I tear up every time. He reminds me that life is worth all the trying. It is worth all of the getting out of bed in the morning, the fighting through the fog to believe.

My dad has been texting our family bible verses every day for the last few years. A couple fridays ago, the verse that showed up on our phone screens was this:

Matthew 12:33
Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.

My grandfather leaned over and looked into the eyes of his wife of 61 years and said, “We bore good fruit.”

That night was the night he was taken to the hospital. His sudden decline was jarring and with the possibility that he may not recover, grandpa’s fruit: his family, made their way to his bedside. Four daughters and their spouses. 14 grandchildren and their spouses, and 20 great-grandchildren.

You should have seen the waiting room of the ICU, it was like a continuous church potluck as we gathered and prayed, told stories about Grandpa, and hoped for the best.

The best, it turned out, would come differently than we realized at the time.

Grandpa waited until all 14 grandchildren had their chance to say goodbye. And literally minutes after my last cousin got there, grandpa let go.

The patriarch of the family I have spent every childhood holiday with, the man who drew me birds and smiley faces into peanut butter crackers when I was sick, who has come with my grandma to every one of my concerts within driving distance, the man who has always been a source of stability and consistency in my life, was dying.

That night my brother Michael had brought his guitar, and a few of us grandkids passed it around in Grandpa’s room, singing songs that came to mind and calling upon the God who every single one of us believes in.

The God who held Grandpa as a young man, through word war II and through those years of loss and struggle. The God who pursued him all his life and gave him grace when he faltered. The God who blessed him with a beautiful family and 84 years to enjoy them. This Jesus, whom we worship, is the reason we could sing, with tears in our eyes, In Christ Alone, around Grandpa’s bed.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light my strength my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled when strivings cease
My Comforter my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone - who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This Gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid:
Here in the death of Christ I live

The nurse came in to check on him...his heart monitor was beeping. She whispered to my mom it was because his heartbeat was so faint it wasn’t picking it up. We kept singing...

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

my grandmother put her hand on his face and we witnessed 61 years of marriage.... coming to an end.

No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till he returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

The words were still lingering on our lips as we looked up to the monitor to see the straight red line indicating that his heart had stopped.

My grandpa was a dignified man, and he died a dignified death. That moment in the hospital, we experienced the peace that comes from righteousness in Christ. And so...we do not mourn as those who have no hope.

Grandpas death has been a powerful reminder that I will one day be the one in that hospital bed. The way I live my life matters, the choices I make affect generations to come, and I want to go out the way Grandpa did. With peace and faithfulness and complete trust in Jesus, to carry me from this life into the next.

1 of those 20 great-grand babies will be born later this week, and one was born the day after Grandpa died. I don’t know how it all works, but I like to think that he got up to heaven just in time to meet both of them before they came to earth.

What a legacy he has left.

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
-1 Corinthians 15:55-58

All Your ?'s Answered Here! (maybe... :)

2010-08-12T10:08:00.006-05:00

Many people have been asking me lately what I’ve been up to, how I spend my time, and what is in the future for me musically. So here is a short answer for those of you with limited attention spans (or kids), and then a longer answer if you have an extra 5 minutes and a dose of curiosity. It’s like a choose your own adventure blog. (that’s not a bad idea actually...hmmm....)

short form:
I write with other people 2 to 3 days a week and spend the rest of my time working on my own music and trying to be the best wife and mama I can be. Yes, I plan to release more records, yes I plan to tour again, and no, I haven’t dropped off the planet just yet.

long form:
I’ve been playing music in one form or another for the last 10 years. In fact, 10 years ago this summer I signed a record contract with a label here in Nashville, and after 2 years of traveling back and forth I moved here from Iowa in the spring of 2002. In these “Nashville years” I’ve written many (many) songs, recorded some of them including 1 record that never released from the label, 3 independent records, a live record, a few EP’s and side projects, and a Christmas record. I’ve toured solo, with my husband (who came into the picture in 2003, married in the beginning of 2005), and with several other artists and bands. I’ve slept in nice hotels, not so nice hotels, vans, tour buses, churches, host homes, and thank God, my own bed. I have loved these last 10 years and feel like this last year of becoming a mother has allowed me the space and emotional rawness to really look back over all I’ve experienced with new eyes. New eyes to see the lessons God has tried to teach me that I’ve been stubborn to learn. New eyes to see the future, with hopefully more courage and more humility.

(picture from a 2005 Shawn Mcdonald tour. look at that gorgeous Gibson guitar...sadly (very sadly) the gibson is in different hands now... so is that shirt. I liked that shirt...)

I have not been traveling much since James was born 15 months ago and I’ve loved this season of “normal” things. Like learning to cook, and waking up to the same landscape every day. Going to church, meeting friends for dinner, establishing routine, it has been a nice breather after the years of just the opposite.

I’m gearing up a bit this summer. I have been writing new songs of my own, revisiting old ones, collaborating with peers and friends, and finding the strength and inspiration to organize some ideas into action. What that basically means is that I hope to have some new songs out for download this fall, I’m working on some new tour dates for the coming months, and I even have a side project that I’ll tell you about soon enough.

thank you for sticking with me during this slower season. I am so thankful to everyone who has continued to listen to my music and supported me during these quieter months. If you haven’t already, you can download a few new (and otherwise unreleased) songs from noisetrade on the right side of this page, or here

and you can also hear a few songs that I have co-written on some records:

“Want To Be Real” with Chris August whose album comes out August 24th, you can hear a sampler, including a snippet of our song on his website. His voice is amazing!

“Change in the Making” with Jeff Pardo and Jenny Simmons from Addison Road. This is track 2 on their fabulous new record called Stories. Jenny and I wrote “What do I Know of Holy” on their last record. Love these guys!

“Love Reality” with Charmaine, it’s the title track on her debut record. She is so unique and inspiring, I really think you’ll love her music!

Thoughts on Community

2010-07-20T10:50:00.001-05:00

There are many spanish speaking families in my neighborhood. One specific family a few doors down captures my attention on an almost daily basis. Of course, their many dogs might be the first reason for this, and our dog Oso is attune to the barking that echos up from their yard. He was, after all, born from Lucky, their black mix breed dog who sits on the front porch guarding her palace.

Most mornings around 7 am, the mothers of the couple families who live in the house go for a walk together. I only know the name of one, and she is a sweet soul. Though she can’t speak much english we exchange greetings often and she loves to check up on Oso and see how big he’s gotten. She wears jeans and walks with her chin up and a soft smile on her face. Sometimes I wish I could knock on the door at any time of the day and just watch the way they live. Watch the way they cook, the way they laugh together in the evenings, ask them what the secret is to their apparent ease.

We often joke with some close friends of ours about living in a commune together. Sharing a garden, a lawn mower, power tools... eating our meals together and raising our kids together. We joke, but we dream of it too.

I sneak up to the window and watch these woman walk past my house most every day. I find myself envying them. Their friendship, their community, their lightness.

Sometimes I get tangled in the web that wraps around the ladder of image. What would people think if we moved in to a house with friends? What would these woman think if I asked to walk with them in the mornings?

What would people think...? Such a meaningless question most of the time.

Defining musical moments...in no particular order.

2010-07-06T15:12:00.009-05:00

“Listen to this” he said, with eyes sparkling. Someone was moving some recording equipment behind me and I looked to see if I was in the way.

“Seriously” he handed me the headphones, “put these on”.

I sat down on the couch and did what he asked. Latter Days by Over the Rhine started playing into my ears and it didn’t take long for me to realize that I had never heard anything quite like that before. Or felt anything like that from a song before.

“What a beautiful piece of heartache... this had all turned out to be... Lord knows we’ve learned the hard way...all about healthy apathy...”

* * * * *

I was young, eager, and clueless the day I saw Jennifer Knapp take the stage at a festival in the midwest.

My friends had gone to get some lunch and I was watching our spot in front of the main stage in a field of sweaty fans. Or maybe they were there next to me the whole time. Or maybe I was the only one in the crowd... the surroundings are blurry because when Jen stood up there by herself and started playing her guitar my brain stopped cataloguing anything but her music.

She was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, sunglasses and a ponytail. I stood up to listen.

She was more memorable, more confident, more inspiring than the 10 piece band before her, or the hip speaker that would follow her. And I thought to myself...

that is what I want to do.

Without taking my eyes off the stage I leaned over to the person next to me, “What did they say her name was?”

* * * * *

“Sit down here” she said motioning to a red couch near the window of her office on music row. “You haven’t heard anything of hers?”

I shook my head and stared at the street below. This was a long way from Iowa.

She pushed play.

Tony, was the first Patty Griffin song I ever listened to. The graphic lyrics about a teen suicide shook up the naive songwriter in me. Shook me up in the best way possible. I would never look at writing the same again.

* * * * *

I was in high school, a member of a club, and all of us were wearing blue t-shirts and sitting around tables in a cafeteria somewhere. I’m sure there was a program of some sort and I’m sure I was staring out the window dreaming about something until Enrique picked up his guitar.

Q, we call him, a musical mentor of mine and maybe the first person I ever knew who wrote songs, started playing that unforgettable guitar line that opens The Eye of the Hurricane by David Wilcox.

I was hooked instantly.

At a time when people didn’t always expect much out of us, Q played us a song that expected us to think, expected us to take life seriously and inspired us to believe there was a reason to do that.

Songs, as it turned out, are just stories set to music. And I thought maybe I had a few stories I could tell...

(a younger version of myself... :)

Memories

2010-06-03T11:54:00.001-05:00

I don’t remember the big moments from childhood. I know they happened because I’ve heard the stories, seen the footage, memorized the pictures. But my actual memories are of moments much smaller and seemingly uneventful. I recall the way things felt and looked to me at the time, and when I dwell on them they play back like an indie film full of random scenes.

The scratch of my dads beard on my cheek. I giggle and turn my face.

my mom rinsing the shampoo out of my hair with a plastic cup, and the warm water runs over my head and face... her long fingernails gently scratching my back before bed. I feel safe.

My blue and green flannel nightgown that matched my moms. I would tuck my legs up under it in the winter time to keep warm.

rain falling on the windshield on the way home from gymnastics class on an autumn evening. My dad is asking me something and I am staring out the window watching the street lights overhead.

the taste of a watermelon jolly rancher at the swimming pool, I am standing in a towel dripping wet, and can hardly reach my hands over the counter to pay my 5 cents.
-
I think about these images more often as I care for James.

When he is in his 20’s he might not be able to tell you what it was like to say “truck” for the first time, he might not even remember his first day of school, or his first glimpse of the ocean. But I think...maybe one day when he is lonely or drifting his mind will default back to some foggy memory of a blankie scrunched up on his face, his own papa’s scratchy beard, the comforting feel of warm water down his back, the sound of my voice singing a lullaby... maybe.

My days are filled with such mundane, normal moments. Yet, it might be these very moments that he remembers.

Dear Guilt

2010-04-15T11:49:00.001-05:00

Today I am dreaming. I am trying to decipher the Wants between the Shoulds. I filter every decision I make through what I think I should do, or what I think everyone else thinks I should do. And although a lot of the time I end up doing what I want to do regardless of whether it lines up with what I think everyone expects of me, I end up feeling guilty for not living up to their supposed expectations.

Guilt is like bitterness, it is not meant to stay in our hearts longer than the time it takes to say

I’m sorry

or

I forgive you.

So...this is addressed to the shadow named Guilt:

I’m sorry not to tell you this in person, but the truth of the matter is that I don’t know where you live. If you appeared to me plainly then I would address you to your face, but you are transient and incessant, a chameleon of a ghost that shows up in my words and actions, in my wake and my sleep, and I can’t detect you the way I can jealousy or sloth. You don’t follow me around like nostalgia or selfishness. You are the wall between me and my tomorrows, the widows clothes I should have taken off years ago, the childs blanket I am afraid of falling asleep without. So, dear guilt: this is me tearing you off like a band aid- please don’t come back next time I have a wound. There is a much better way to heal, and I choose grace.

The Grass is Green

2010-03-29T11:16:00.001-05:00

Next to me on the wood floor of my kitchen is my sweet almost one year old who is pulling all of the plastic and cardboard out of our recycling pile. Out comes a milk jug...an Odwalla bottle...a Sunshine Wheat holder (my husbands favorite beer, TN just got it)...an empty kleenex box...paper towel role...extra grocery sacks...

He leans his hand on a cupboard and tries to pull himself up but slips. He whines and his little eyebrows wrinkle as he looks up at me to see my reaction.

“You’re okay”, I assure him, still typing. He agrees, and continues his work. Once all of the recycling is unloaded he decides to explore under the wooden shelf against the wall and paws through dust bunnies and dog hair to get to something that has rolled underneath. A ball? A toy truck? Apparently he cannot reach and heads for me feet, pulling at my pants until I pick him up.

“Okay little bug, come here.” nap time.

I change his diaper and he whines until I give him his blankie, and grabbing with one hand, he pops the two middle fingers of the other in his mouth as he does when he’s tired.

We rock for a minute before I put him down. His head lays in the middle of my chest and he strokes my arm and side with the hand that is not in his mouth. I can hear his stuffy nose as he inhales and exhales, his body weight feeling heavier with every breath.

I lean my nose on the top of his head and my memory flashes back to the nursery of the church I grew up in. My friends and I used to sneak in and steal cherrios when no one was in there. James smells just like that nursery to me, some sort of combination of cereal, diapers, baby soap and slobber.

His red hair tickles my lips and I breath in his smell one more time before kissing his forehead and whispering “I love you”. His blue eyes are barely open but he looks up at me and pulls his blankie to his face as I lay him down in his crib. My heart breaks for the first time today. It won’t be the last.

I walk out of James’ room, reheat my coffee, and look out the window of our kitchen. The yellow daffodils are very welcome friends this spring. The pink buds on our cherry tree out front remind me of what was hiding there in the brown branches this whole winter. Any day now they will blossom into little white flowers, just in time for Easter.

I walk out the front door of my warm house and feel the sun on my face for a minute. The grass is greener than it was even yesterday.

I have so much to be thankful for.

Why should I ever think the grass grows greener somewhere else?

Love | Reality

2010-03-13T14:05:00.006-06:00

For the last couple years I have spent a lot of my time at home writing songs with and for other artists. I love love love this job, and have had the chance to write with some really amazing artists. I’m excited to introduce you to a few of them this year as their records release.

Today I want to tell you about a girl whose music is just as stunning and inspiring as she is herself. Charmaine intrigued me instantly with her kindness, cool australian accent, and natural beauty. The first time we wrote together I was near the end of my pregnancy and Charmaine and I quickly hit it off talking about the mystery of God and our desire to embrace that mystery instead of avoid it. After 30 minutes of getting to know each other, I was already a fan of her as a person and when she opened her mouth to sing shortly thereafter I instantly became a fan of her music! It was a fun day of writing, complete with lunch at a local hot dog joint (I was pregnant after all)! The song we wrote that day is the title track to Charmaine’s debut record called, Love | Reality. I’m proud of this song and can’t wait for you all to hear it! Thank you Charmaine, for letting me be a part of your story!

Love | Reality is available on Charmaine's website (charmainemusic.com), where you can listen to our song plus several more from her record. (fyi: if you order it now from her website you get an instant download of the first single, Tokyo) It's seriously a fabulous record with a really unique sound and a genuine depth behind the music. Check it out!!

P.S. You can also watch a video of Charmaine talking about our song in the video section of her site.

from Love Reality:

There is more to the story than this
more than the morning routine
when I open my eyes I can glimpse
pieces of eternity

I can hear a whisper, like a secret
I can see a glimmer, and I know know that

the reality of love, reality of love
is so close to me...

on social networking and wrapping paper

2010-03-10T13:40:00.008-06:00

I haven't been twittering or facebooking (word?) for a month or two...and it's been really nice. When something in my day happens, I am not thinking about how I can fit that moment into 140 characters to share online. I think there is a place for twitter and facebook, certainly. I enjoy them both to an extent. But for now, I'm going to keep my updates sparse. The break has done what I had hoped, freed up some space in my brain. Allowed me experience my days more completely by living moments as they happen instead of taking mental notes about how to tell the story later. I do that enough as a songwriter.

blogging is less restrictive of course and I still enjoy the creative outlet it is for me. However, I haven't been blogging as often anymore because I have a hard time finishing thoughts. I have a folder on my computer titled "blogs" and it is full of incomplete thoughts. My husband is always encouraging me to give up my need to "complete the circle" as he says. I'm not a perfectionist, but I do like things to be wrapped up nicely, even if it's a sloppy wrapping job, at least it's wrapped.

Kirk used to present gifts to me in brown paper grocery bags. I finally told him that I would really love it if he would wrap them (and he has ever since). I feel silly knowing I will just throw away the wrapping, but It makes me feel special knowing he took the time to fold the colorful paper and tape it together at the ends.

and now here I am. I can't even tie a blog about how I can't tie anything together, together.

They say you lose brain cells when you're pregnant... I thought I would get them back at some point but so far they still seem to be on vacation somewhere....I hope they are in California. I like California. And I hope they bring back some citrus fruits for me, I like citrus fruits.

In The Middle Of It

2010-03-01T15:38:00.004-06:00

Every man I see looks like a little boy to me now. This was very true earlier this week when I had the chance to watch my friends Don and Lori Chaffer (Waterdeep) play some songs from their new record. I knew it was a grown man I was watching as Don jumped around, shaking his head to the beat, pulling the neck of the guitar up with the high notes, smiling through his beard at the close of every song. I know that he writes checks and mows the lawn and reads books with hundreds of pages in them. But all I could see was Miles, Don's six year old son, dancing around the living room to one of The Who's songs with his hair sticking up in the back and peanut butter smeared on his shirt. Don's water bottle may as well have been apple juice with a straw out the top. The strings of his guitar may as well have been plastic buttons that light up when you press them. Instead of his harmonica, a kazoo (although, I would bet Don actually has played a kazoo live before).

In the Middle of it
by Don Chaffer
(from Waterdeep's new record "In the Middle of it")

Halfway here
Don't disappear
Things might go clear
If I just stay on deck
And don't strain my neck
And get into the thing I'm in the middle of
Just one more time on the fiddle, love
I'm gonna pay attention this time, I swear
At the Loan and Pawn
You can see what's gone
And there's ghosts out on the lawn
if you squint your eyes
And don't look surprised
They'll stare right back at you graciously
And you don't have to get high to see
Just remember when the tire goes flat, to use the spare

I'm in the middle of it
I got everything I wanted and I really love it
I'm in the seat of honor
if you could die from happy, baby I'd be a goner
So sorry when I go dark
it must a been that I forgot about the spark
So sorry when I go lame
I got no reason I should every complain

Old sunshine
it's going all the time
and that's not just a good tagline
Cause every living thing
would cease to sing
if the sun just decided to close up shop
we'd all be lyin' on the chopping block
and in a couple minutes there wouldn't be anyone there
I should never complain (he should never complain)

Asia

2010-02-02T13:19:00.002-06:00

Asia, our sweet girl in Tanzania, will graduate from her Compassion program this year and I will miss her gentle letters, hand drawn pictures of flowers and houses, and maybe most of all, her Psalms that close every letter she writes. Yesterdays Psalm was this:

Pslam 50:1-2

The Mighty One, God, the LORD,
speaks and summons the earth
from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets.
From Zion, perfect in beauty,  
God shines forth.

Sandwhiched before the Psalm, and after words about her recent examinations and a comment about the rain, was this:

“I promise to pray for you, may God protect you. And I am also praying for James, may God fight for him...”

Yes. May God fight for him.

And I cried. standing there, over a pile of bills and junk mail.

Taking Stock

2010-01-21T11:11:00.003-06:00

James is nine months old this week. I feel I have lived more in the last year than I have my whole life. And now, nine months after giving birth, I am longing for the keen awareness I felt there at the beginning of this journey. like most voyagers, I started off strong and have found now that my heart is tired. I think I was running on adrenaline for the first 6 months of motherhood and in the last 3 months it’s become obvious that the adrenaline has run out and I’m in need of some recharging.

looking back

There is no room for numbness during pregnancy. Pancakes tasted like heaven, an orange was not just an orange, it was juice sent down directly from God. Sleep was deeper and dreams more vivid. Pain and stretching was felt from every corner of my body. My feet felt the grass underneath more sharply than any previous spring. My husband breathing next to me at 3 am was cause to stay awake and wonder if our son would look like him. Every star in the black sky was shining as a reminder that God had his hands on all things, including the tiny soul being woven into a baby in my womb. Nothing went unnoticed it seemed, everything was felt during those nine months. I am not romanticizing pregnancy. My first trimester was miserable, and I really thought I might just fall apart by the very end, but looking back I think even the aching was a kiss from life itself.

The day James was born was preceded by several days of labor. I stubbornly wanted to give birth naturally and it was that stubborn determination that got me through the worst pain of my life.

There is nothing that could have prepared me for the panic I felt during those hard contractions. I knew it would hurt, but I did not know it would feel so....wrong! Everything in my body wanted to run from the pain, wanted to avoid it, ignore it, hide from it. I did not feel strong, I did not feel determined. I felt about six years old and wanted to curl up in a ball and weep. (which is sort of what I did)

By the end of labor the moments in between contractions seemed shorter and shorter so that just when I thought I could take a calming breath another pain would start up again. I was a small boat in a great storm, helpless to the intensity of the waves swelling around me.

And it was the most alive I’ve ever been.

I can say that, I suppose, because there was an end. Because the minute James appeared, the waves calmed immediately. It was as if Jesus himself had said “Quiet, be still!”

My sweet boy was 8 days late so he did not require much cleaning once he emerged. They gave him to me right away and there we were. Mother and child, for the first time. I do not remember certain things about those moments after birth. I don’t remember, for example, the nurse giving me instructions (on God knows what), or the clammer of tools and the bustle of hospital personal in and out of the room. I don’t remember the pain of stitches or the shame of being exposed to a room full of strangers. The things I do remember center around James. His ears, his lips, his warmth. I was alert to all things James.  

Days later as I looked at myself in the mirror I knew that his birth would be my proudest moment. I felt like it was my initiation into womanhood, into adulthood, and in those first weeks I was living moment to moment like I never had before. (With a newborn, you don’t really have a choice). It was that forced change that has saved me I think. Saved me from the numbness.

two thousand and nine was quite a year for me.

But now, in a new year and a new season of motherhood I am...fading a bit. I'm starting to feel a slow drip of anesthetic creep back in to my heart, and it’s obviously time to take some action. So action is what I will take. If we become what we worship, than I suppose I should worship the God of life, of light, the God who makes the sun rise in the morning and the waves crash onto a rocky shore. Now that I know what it is to really live, I can not settle for just getting by. Even if pain is involved, I will be thankful for the pain- that my heart might beat stronger and my feet might walk with more conviction.

O Lord, if it be not spring time in my chilly heart, I pray Thee make it so, for I am heartily weary of living at a distance from Thee.
-Charles Spurgeon

signing off for a little while to do some “house cleaning”...
alli

A Psalm for Haiti

2010-01-14T21:32:00.003-06:00

Psalm 57

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.

I cry out to God Most High, to God,
who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

He sends from heaven and saves me,
rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
Selah  

God sends his love and his faithfulness.

I am in the midst of lions;
I lie among ravenous beasts—
men whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.

They spread a net for my feet—
I was bowed down in distress.  
They dug a pit in my path—
 but they have fallen into it themselves.  
Selah

My heart is steadfast, O God,  
my heart is steadfast;  
I will sing and make music.

Awake, my soul!  
Awake, harp and lyre!  
I will awaken the dawn.

I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;  
I will sing of you among the peoples.

For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;  
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;  
let your glory be over all the earth.

A Few Resolutions

2010-01-01T19:42:00.004-06:00

I'm in a funk. It happens this time of year, I get lost somewhere in the traveling and snow and the memories and the pie. Oh, the pie. But It's a whole new year and I suspect I will be out soon. Of the funk, that is. In the mean time, here are some of my resolutions.

1. Exercise
the most common of resolutions for good reasons. My reason is two fold. I think working out will give me more energy throughout the day. And I think it will be a healthy stress reliever. So I'm going to attempt some sort of regular working out. I've tried in the past. and failed. But I feel good about 2010!

2. Live in the moment
I too often lean forward or turn around instead of sit down and pay attention to what is going on right at that moment. There is so much of the last few years I don't even really remember because I wasn't fully there when it happened. I am a good wanderer, which lends itself well to songwriting, but not well to living life. So I hope to find a balance.

3. Breath deeper, and slower

4. Give. Give. Give.

"Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices no more easily made. And give, give in any way you can, of whatever you posses. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace"

Ken Nerburn, Letters to My Son

The Silent Stars

2009-12-09T13:27:00.003-06:00

If you'll allow me to venture from my musings, I have some news! My Silent Stars Christmas CD is now available! I really am proud of this project, I suppose it's because I finished the first half while I was pregnant and the last half while figuring out how to be a mom. I see Mary, the mother of Jesus, in a whole new light! Below is the blurb from this month's AR Email blast:

As of today we're now shipping all orders for The Silent Stars! And in honor of the 5th (ish) year anniversary of Alli's Always Eden record we're giving away a copy of the CD with any order that's placed in her online store (excluding digital downloads) from now until Christmas! All you have to do is enter "freeae" in the coupon section when you check out!

You can now hear "Adorn" one of the new songs Alli added to the record on her website

upcoming shows:

12/12 - Pleasant View, TN
Saturday December 12th - 6 PM
Live Love event raising money for the Nashville Rescue Mission
Admission is FREE with a large can of vegtables for the mission

12/20 - Cedar Falls, IA - CD Release Show
Sunday December 20th - 7 PM
with special guest Calais Cervetti, an amazing artist who will
be creating a live piece of art on stage with Alli during the show!!!
Tickets $8 and include a free Silent Stars CD

Thankful

2009-11-26T11:00:00.002-06:00

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

by e.e. cummings

Reciprocation

2009-11-19T16:11:00.003-06:00

Yesterday when James was playing next to me on the couch, something kind of magical happened.

he reached his hand up on to my back

and pulled at the ends of my long hair

just the way Kirk does when I have a headache

just the way my dad did to help me to sleep as a girl

my shoulders relaxed, my head fell to the side, and I think I heard birds chirping...

he pulled my hair gently for about three strokes and then,

he grabbed a big handful and yanked with all his baby boy strength and I was thrown back into reality.

But hey, I take what I can get. :)

Little Moments

2009-11-04T12:13:00.005-06:00

There is sound proof "baby lounge" in the back of the room our church meets in. Speaker in the corner, fan in the other corner, rocking chairs, and a one sided window create a pretty comfortable place to hang out on a sunday morning. There is normally someone nursing, someone with an overexcited baby, someone rocking their little one to sleep. It's a peaceful way to commune, whether or not conversation happens. You walk in the door and there is an understanding.

A couple months ago James and I were in said baby lounge with several other moms and babies. The musicians were playing a hymn that I cannot remember now and we could not hear the congregation loud enough to really sing along without it being a little awkward. however, one of the moms started singing, was it me? I don't remember. And the rest of the moms joined in quickly, as if to sigh together and agree with the lyric of the song. No one even sang timidly, which is why it seemed more than normal to be a sweet declaration of what we knew to be true, or what we needed to remember as truth, together. It was a really beautiful moment to witness.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust thee, how I've proved thee o're and o're
Jesus Jesus precious Jesus, O for grace to trust thee more....

or maybe it was

I need thee, O I need thee, every hour I need thee
oh bless me now my Savior, I come to thee

I'm glad I noticed the moment when it happened and was able to breath a little deeper for a couple chorus's. I do wonder how often moments like that spring up out of nowhere and I miss them. Maybe because the room I'm in is not sound proof and distractions are not kept at bay. Or maybe I'm just not listening. Once again, in the fall, the leaves are reminding me to listen. To watch. What a treat it is to be the sole witness of a leaf falling from a tree. How many leaves must turn from green to yellow and then fall to the ground without anyone ever having witnessed it's beauty. How many songs sung together on a Sunday morning, without acknowledging the power (the necessity) of declaring truth, declaring need, together.

Walls

2009-10-15T11:05:00.009-05:00

I was talking to two of my favorite women about decorating. I was saying how they have similar tastes and styles and would love each others homes. I was thinking about James and eyeing the door leading to the parking lot leading to our car which would take me home. I was holding my cell phone incase the sitter needed me. I was wondering what we are doing talking about decorations for our earthly homes. What a futile conversation. How can we even talk about this after such a heart wrenching night? But there we were, there I was, talking about it. I suppose if we don’t, we might just shrivel up and collapse right where we are from all the weight.

I was driving home and had enough time to listen to one short song so I chose Why it Matters by Sara Groves. I asked the question Why again, as I do most every day, most every conversation, most every dollar spent. Why?

Why the cooking. the cleaning. the eating. the sleeping. the mortgage. the lawn. the crown molding. the porch swing.

I think about a house we visited in Ecuador that sat above water which gave the children sores whenever they entered it. I think about their “kitchen” in the corner and the pots and pans neatly hanging on a wall made of sticks. The tub in the back where laundry was done. The magazine pictures and newspaper clippings where my framed pictures and paintings would be. I think of her eyes, the mothers. Her baby who she never let go of while we stood in her home and prayed for her family. The rug on the floor. The blanket folded on the cot where she sleeps.

I should think I will have had my fill of decorating by the time I am through here. There will be no mansion for me in heaven, no paintings or newspaper clippings to distract me from what is on the other side of the wall. Heaven for me will not be a room with my name on it, please God. I’ve had enough rooms, enough walls. Heaven, surely, will not need decorations.

Joyful Joyful

2009-10-08T10:41:00.004-05:00

Last year I recorded The Silent Stars Christmas EP. This year I am adding 4 new songs and making it into a full record. I have enjoyed this whole process much more than I knew I would and probably my favorite part has been reinterpreting old hymns. There is so much depth to some of these old hymns. One of the songs I added this year includes verses from Joyful Joyful We Adore Thee. I love this quote from the author of the lyrics, Henry Van Dyke:

"These verses are simple expresions of common Christian feelings and desires in this present time—hymns of today that may be sung together by people who know the thought of the age, and are not afraid that any truth of science will de stroy religion, or any revolution on earth overthrow the kingdom of heaven. Therefore this is a hymn of trust and joy and hope."

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee, opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away;
Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!

All Thy works with joy surround Thee, earth and heaven reflect Thy rays,
Stars and angels sing around Thee, center of unbroken praise.
Field and forest, vale and mountain, flowery meadow, flashing sea,
Singing bird and flowing fountain call us to rejoice in Thee.

Thou art giving and forgiving, ever blessing, ever blessed,
Wellspring of the joy of living, ocean depth of happy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our Brother, all who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other, lift us to the joy divine.

Mortals, join the happy chorus, which the morning stars began;
Father love is reigning o’er us, brother love binds man to man.
Ever singing, march we onward, victors in the midst of strife,
Joyful music leads us Sunward in the triumph song of life.

4 NEW SONGS!

2009-10-02T07:58:00.004-05:00

I recently recorded a few new songs that I am releasing through noisetrade for the next month or two! 3 of my own and one that I wrote and recorded with my friend Marc Scibilia. You can download them for free (and potentially win an ipod shuffle), or you can pay whatever you want. All of the money that comes in through noisetrade for this time will go straight to my cousins family. (details below)

From my October email:

For the next month or two, our Noisetrade beneficiary is going to be quite special! Alli's cousin Annie has a daughter named Natalie with Type II Spinal Muscular Atrophy and every dollar given through Alli's Noisetrade widget will go directly to Natalie and her family to help pay for medical expenses. SMA is a recessive genetic condition that disrupts the signal from the spinal cord to the voluntary muscles in the body, including those involved with supporting breathing. SMA is the number one genetic killer of babies, and at this time there are no FDA approved treatments. However, Natalie's parents say they are hopeful for the treatments that are in trial right now and they are looking forward to the progress of gene therapy. Natalie is an adorable 3 1/2 year old and is doing remarkably well, she is a joy to everyone around her! For more information on SMA, visit fightsma.org

AND the person that tells the largest number of friends about Alli's music through Noisetrade will get one of each of her records (including her records that are now out of print (One EP, At Sea: Live, and The Silent Stars EP) and a t-shirt absolutely free, the more friends you tell the better chance you have of winning! (please note that you must initiate the download process by clicking on the link in the confirmation email and then again on the following screen each time you "tell 5 friends" otherwise the system won't recognize how many people you've told, but then after that you can cancel the download).

At the end of the six months we will pick at random one monthly winner out of the six to receive a free iPod shuffle, "the brand new music player from apple that talks to you!" You can also post the free music widget (above) on your Facebook, MySpace, blog, website, and much more.

2009-09-20T15:01:00.004-05:00

My friend Jenny has blogged recently about a 20 year old girl named Katie whose courage is an amazing inspiration. Katie is from Nashville and is living in Uganda raising 13 children that she has taken in as well as caring for hundreds of other children in her village. Did you read that? At 20 years old, she is raising 13 children in Uganda by herself.

With little help, she is feeding and caring for 1200 other children in the area. She is not there with an organization or with family, she is there by herself because at some point she could no longer stay still, stay silent. She had to go. I’m pretty intrigued by her story and want to ask you to check out Katies blog, and/or Jenny's posts about Katie.

From Jenny's blog:

“I ask Stacy what Katie needs...
Right now, she says, Katie needs to buy a piece of land and build a clinic next to her house so that she will stop bringing in sick babies and children off the street and into the living room with her other 13 children! They also need to build a few latrines. Apparently the 1200 children are stopping up the ONE toilet she has at the house. She needs $6,000 to buy the land. Then they need money to build a basic clinic.

Fine, I say. We will get the $6,000 and then we will start raising money for the clinic (which by the way has a waiting list over a year long of doctors and nurses who have already committed their time. They are simply waiting on a place to be built).”

So Jenny and her blog readers and going to raise at least $6,000 to help Katie with this project. Can you help? Do you know someone who can? I could not NOT share this story with you and at least ask you for prayers for this amazing woman. I'll blog again when Jenny has a specific place where you can send donations, but please feel free to contact Jenny directly about this.

"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Luke 12:32-34

Katie's Blog
Jenny's Blog

Morning Read

2009-09-16T09:46:00.002-05:00

What a teacher or librarian or parent can do, in working with children, is to give the flame enough oxygen so that it can burn. As far as I'm concerned, this providing of oxygen is one of the noblest of all vocations.

-Madeleine L'Engle from A Circle of Quiet.

and a few pages before,

I think that all artists, regardless of degree of talent, are a painful, paradoxical combination of certainty and uncertainty, of arrogance and humility, constantly in need of reassurance, and yet with a stubborn streak of faith in their validity, no matter what.

I do believe she is right. If you are a creative person of any kind and have not read any Madeleine L'Engle, you are missing out! Start here. Or here.

Definition

2009-09-03T14:13:00.002-05:00

I am

a mother
sitting on a stool.
afraid of sharks.
still getting used to being an adult.
embarrassed by that last statement.

I am

a songwriter
annoyed by gum chomping.
tired.
looking out the window to see what Oso is barking at.

I am

a wife.
wondering what I should make for dinner.
excited that it is almost fall.
wishing I lived closer to family.
regretting the brownie I just ate. okay, the two brownies I just ate.

I am

a daughter, sister and friend.
always holding back..something
ashamed that I enjoy television so much.
a mediocre guitar player.

I am...

so many other things, yet none of these things.

I am not defined by anything other than:

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Colossians 1:15-17

Wanted and Unwanted Babies

2009-08-13T09:09:00.002-05:00

I don't know anything about this organization, but I had to share this video once I saw it. I don't know how you can ignore this.

To Be Heard

2009-08-11T12:11:00.002-05:00

I am a struggling believer. always. I look at those Christians who so vibrantly speak about the truth, and their energy inspires me. But I constantly lack the courage to follow them.

“Alli, Your song is on the radio charts!”
“Alli, you’re going to be on tour this fall with ____!”
“Alli, your song is going to be on so and so’s new record!”

That’s great, is what I’m thinking. I’ll believe it when I hear it myself, I’ll believe it when I’m on the bus, I’ll believe it when I get there. I can’t believe it now, too often it doesn’t happen and I can’t bear the small disappointments with the already heavy heart I carry around.

God! Why do you ask us to believe and not doubt when so often the things we are believing for fall apart?

Oh, I am heartily weary at living at a distance from thee. But I am too scared to get closer for fear that you will not come through. I have seen too many hopes turn to disillusions, too many prayers go unanswered. And I know you have your reasons. I know. You must have reasons.

But how can you ask me to live like I believe everything I pray for? You know that much of the time the flood waters rise anyway. So why should I believe that you will keep us dry?

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” James 1:5-8

a wave.

It does not say that we shouldn’t doubt because everything we ask will be given to us. It says we shouldn’t doubt because when we doubt we are like a wave on the sea. Tossed back and forth by the wind.

Is God more concerned with my strength than my happiness? More concerned with the stance of my heart and mind than with whether or not I receive what I ask?

When James cries I know he wants me to pick him up. That almost always solves the problem. And I LOVE holding him. But he will never learn to fall asleep on his own if I pick him up every time he fusses. He will never figure out how to reach out and grab a toy if I always put it in his hand for him. I am somehow loving him better by letting him fight for it. Even though all I want to do is satisfy his every need completely. The world he lives in will not be kind to a boy who gets everything he wants.

and yet...

I want him to believe that when he cries I will comfort him. I want him to know I hear him crying. I always hear him crying. I would know that cry anywhere.

On why I’m tired of hearing about Jon and Kate.

2009-08-04T12:35:00.001-05:00

Someone please tell me why our local news is covering this years most popular halloween prop, the Kate Gosselin wig.

Could it be because halloween is just around the corner and they wanted to cover something fun and festive? No, it’s August, people. August.

I have a problem with America’s fascination with celebrity.

When someone steps out into the spotlight they need to expect the crowds to turn and watch. The problem is that the American public is obsessed with what happens to those people when the lights are turned off. What they do when the camera crew has the day off. And yes, celebrities need to expect this as well, but that does not mean that is the way it should be.

I suppose I’m bringing this up because I am surprised at how accepted it is to treat famous people like they were never kids who had to be potty trained as toddlers, or teenagers who popped zits in front of the mirror, or aren’t adults who get insecure at social functions and spill coffee on their shirts.

I think we are the ones that need to (and have the power) to change things.

Every time I watch the news when they are covering the divorce of two people I have never met and whose hearts I know nothing about, I am encouraging that news channel to keep broadcasting about that sort of thing.

Every time I buy a People Magazine I am supporting the paparazzi, who take any sense of normalcy away from celebrities. And don’t tell me Kate Gosselin had it coming when she signed her family up for her reality show, while that might have been a poor decision, she shouldn’t have to deal with seeing pictures of her ex-husband and his new girlfriend at the grocery store.

Other celebrites such as musicians and actors are just people who had a talent and an interest in the arts. Must privacy always be the price they pay? I guarantee we are missing out on some great talents because they avoid fame for this reason.

Do you really wonder why child stars rarely get to their 20’s without some sort of mental breakdown? Isn’t it obvious? We, the magazine readers, entertainment news watchers, gossip blog subscribers, are the ones who drive this industry to treat celebrities in a way that causes many of them to lose it a little. Life is hard enough without someone hiding behind the bushes to take a picture of you in your bathing suit.

So come on, join me in my protest! Dress up as Pippy Longstockings this year for Halloween! Buy some M&M’s at the checkout to distract you from the gossip magazines. In order to change things, we have to treat it as if it is none of our business, because it isn’t.

Sorry for the soapbox folks. One can only stay silent so long :)

Tuesday. It's Tuesday isn't it?

2009-07-28T09:03:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, when James goes down for a nap I hear a voice in my head. That voice is the voice of Padama from Top Chef saying “Okay, your hour starts... NOW!”.

And I fumble out of his bedroom and look frantically around the house to find the most pressing thing that needs to be done. More often than not this results in my getting nothing done because I’m so overwhelmed by how much there is to get done. It is not a way to live.

So right now, instead of working on the songs I should be working on, or cleaning my house for the dinner party we’re having tonight, or making a video for the new website, or packing the diaper bag so that when James does wake up I will be ready to go out the door to get an allergy shot, or go to the pet store to get Oso some food because he hasn’t eaten since his half breakfast yesterday when we ran out, instead of those things, I am sitting at my computer writing run on sentences.

Good Morning.

Monday Morning Brain...

2009-07-20T13:26:00.003-05:00

It turns out if you drink coffee right after you brush you teeth it tastes like Christmas. It also turns out Nashville is having a bout of beautiful weather in July and lifting everyones spirits. Delightful.

You'll have to forgive me... this morning my brain is about 50 different places and this post might have zero relevance to anyone. But I'll tell you what I'm thinking anyhow.

I’m thinking about the new bible study I just finished with some friends on the book of Ruth, and about how much Ruth would have missed out on had she not gone with her mother-in-law to a foreign land after her husband died. She could have stayed. I’m thinking about how my life would be different had I stayed in Iowa when I had the chance. Did I have the chance?

The other day during a cowrite with my friends Jeff and Charmaine, we got into a theological discussion about pre-destination and abortion and all sorts of hot topics that somehow helped us finish a song about faith and believing through our unbelief. Is it worth asking how and what if and why? Because it generallydoesn’t get me anywhere other than another hour of pondering that I could have been “working” on something. But in fact I do believe pondering time is productive time. For me anyway, according to my Strength Finder test. And it appears that is what I’m doing right now in these 20 minutes I have left before James wakes up.

I read an article this morning about how children are not in touch with nature like they used to be, which got me thinking about all the things there are to be afraid of because I will be scared to let my son wonder off into the woods too, even though I know it’s good for him. Who knows what or who is out in the woods these days? Where is the line between trusting God and being responsible?

Yesterday on NPR’s Splendid Table I listened to an interview with Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivores Dilemma. It was a short but interesting discussion on the organic and local food movement. Got me thinking about how to best spend my money. Do I spend money (that I don’t have) on good quality food I know is better for my family, or is it more responsible for me to buy more affordable, albeit processed, food?

And now... James is awake, which leads me to thinking of a whole other river of baby thoughts. Like, why does sesame street have the monopoly on disposable diaper art?

All of this and more....fuel for songwriting, I tell you. It better be anyway, since it’s all I have right now. :)

International Justice Day

2009-07-17T12:03:00.003-05:00

Thanks to my friends, Addison Road, I was made aware that today is International Justice Day. Check out this video made by a great organization called the Mocha Club,

some convicting words from Jesus on Justice:

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel
-Matthew 23:23-24

And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
-Luke 18:7-8

May It Be Springtime

2009-07-01T08:18:00.002-05:00

I have never felt such abundance and such deficeincy simultaneously.

I awake early to James fussing through the monitor. I lean over to see that my phone says 6:28 am. I wait. He is not crying, just fussing. I close my eyes and almost drift back off to sleep. “Ah!” he exclaims in his “I’m awake, come get me!” voice. I smile with my eyes still closed, imagining his little arms trying to wiggle out of his swaddle. “Ah!” he says, louder. Okay...sigh... I’m coming.

Sweet is the season of spring: the long and dreary winter helps us to appreciate its genial warmth, and its promise of summer enhances its present delights.

When I open the door to his room, he immediatly stops fussing and smiles. Oh, his smile. I am ruined.

If we do not hoist the sail when the breeze is favourable, we shall be blameworthy: times of refreshing ought not to pass over us unimproved.

This too shall pass. Not only the hard parts, but the sweetness of these early weeks with James. Soon he won’t want to be held so much, he won’t be so easily soothed by my picking him up and holding him to me. Soon, he’ll be moving around, finding his own little way in the world, and I will think of these days when he was so content just to be in my arms.

When Jesus Himself visits us in tenderness, and entreats us to arise, can we be so base as to refuse His request? He Himself has risen that He may draw us after Him: He now by His Holy Spirit has revived us, that we may, in newness of life, ascend into the heavenlies, and hold communion with Himself.

After he’s done eating, he just stares up at me with those bright blue eyes and we study each others faces. With sounds and smiles, we have a conversation. Sometimes I think James is the closest I will ever get to God. I’m convinced of it, actually.

Land That drinks in the rain often falling on it and produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God.
Hebrews 6:7

Oh James, I have never seen the hours of the night like I have with you. 2 am...4 am...6 am. I have never been a morning person, but sometimes I look forward to hearing that first exclamation out of your mouth when you see the sun coming through your window. Such exhaustion. Such abundance. Every day is a new gift, I’m more and more aware of that truth.

Let our wintry state suffice us for coldness and indifference; when the Lord creates a spring within, let our sap flow with vigour, and our branch blossom with high resolve. O Lord, if it be not spring time in my chilly heart, I pray Thee make it so, for I am heartily weary of living at a distance from Thee.

Excerpts are from Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon. From the evening of April 24th, the night James was born.

The Evolution of the Disclaimer (thoughts on songwriting)

2009-06-22T15:15:00.003-05:00

I’ve found that there are many evolutions of a songwriter. This is especially true for co-writing. For example, there is the evolution of the disclaimer.

When one first starts co-writing they will often have ideas that will filter though the different rooms in their mind... and when almost to the entryway...almost ready to edge out of ones lips... the realization hits that this is in fact, a bad idea. It’s too cheesy, It’s been done.

Did I really just rhyme heart with start? Grace with place? Whoo, I’m glad I filtered that before they thought I was a bad writer. close call...

After awhile when one gets stuck in a certain writing session it will come to pass that some of those thoughts are let loose. The thought of not contributing any ideas at all becomes unbearable and there is no stopping the "bad" ones. However, this is where the disclaimer comes in. Before the horrible, no good, very bad, idea sees the light of day, you will hear things like:

“now this is probably a horrible idea but...”
“okay, I'm just gonna throw this out there...”
“I know this sounds cheesy, but what about...”

It’s inevitable. Find me a songwriter than has not used the disclaimer. Find me a human.

I have a friend that I recently saw for the first time in months. We were good friends growing up and now only see each other over the holidays if we’re lucky. She is almost opposite of me. She looks great in heels and earrings and button up shirts and her hair is always done. I, on the other hand, wear the same pair of shoes with every outfit, and I’m lucky if I remember to brush my hair in the mornings. She works a real 9 to 5 job with a salary and coworkers and staff meetings. I couldn’t even begin to describe my job to you but it wouldn’t sound anything like that. On the outside she is much more put together than me. However, seeing her the other night reminded me how easy she is to be around, how simply enjoyable she is. I walked away feeling quite good about myself. And the reason is because she is confident. Which in turn, made me confident. I’m sure she has, but I can’t remember a time when I heard her use a disclaimer. She is who she is and she loves the people around her for who they are, differences and all. It’s refreshing.

I really think that songwriters are notoriously insecure. Maybe creative types in general. It’s hard to put something together with the materials you have available and then reveal it to someone else. Because what if they see through the half written verse and realize that I am in fact, void of substance. Void of anything worthwhile to say. This is the voice every creative person must fight off. This thought process only leads to disaster. We must revert back to kindergarten where “no question is a bad question.”

It seems even the best ones have their set backs, but in the evolution of a songwriter, one arrives at a place where idea after idea gets freely tossed into the pile of words and melodies in the middle of the room without any disclaimers. Warts and all. There is little room for filters in co-writing. The truth is, when someone's bad idea is combined with someone else's bad idea, the result can be a very good idea, or at least an organized bad idea that leads to a good idea. Because although I do think there are bad ones (and I have come up with mounds of them) ...a songwriter must go into a writing session with the thought that in fact, “no idea is a bad idea”. A confident vulnerability is crucial to a successful co-writing experience. Insecurity is a waste of time.

Still here...if only in part

2009-06-16T12:26:00.006-05:00

Being James' mother has given me more pride and more humility than I've ever had. It's a new exhaustion and a new energy, I am settling down and speeding up. I seem to be pulled in very conflicting directions at all hours of the day and I have a new appreciation for pretty much everybody.

The one thing that seems to be continuously moving forward is my heart as I love this little boy more more every day. I promise I'm trying to write more. I have so much I want to write about but as new moms all seem to know, my brain works differently now and the minute my thoughts start to move a direction I would like to follow (that might lead to a song or blog post) another thought trail begins, or James wakes up from his nap, or the laundry beeps, or I'm late for an appointment, or I realize I haven't eaten lunch and am about to fall over. :) I also promise this won't turn into a mom blog, but for now it's all I can think about. Here are some pictures of the last month.

Flying to Iowa for a show

Happy Face!

Sad Face :(

Sweet sweet little boy :)

A Son

2009-05-11T23:12:00.002-05:00

I have a son. I’ve used the word only a few select times in public. I try it out at home every now and then to see how it sounds, before I fully incorporate it into my vocabulary. I remember feeling similar with the words “husband” and “wife”. I have a son. A son. It’s a big word.

Today James and I went to the grocery store by ourselves. This was made possible by the help of a pretty fancy sling that will probably become a staple. We went to Trader Joes. I figured James’ first grocery store should be a good one. We also went to the doctor this morning and by the time we got home in the afternoon I felt like I had accomplished enough for the whole week! It’s funny how my to do lists have changed. The other day I actually had “cut toe-nails” on my list.

My world feels smaller and slower and my heart... already, is softer.

James took his time revealing himself. I went into labor on a tuesday and didn’t have him until friday night. The story of his birth is a long one that I won’t go into detail about, I just know that God taught me many lessons in those few days of waiting for James, and in those last hours when I didn’t think I could endure one more contraction, and when I was certain I would never see my little ones face, I kept hearing in my head,

“Shall I bring to the point of birth and not give delivery?” - Isaiah 66:9

That moment when I first felt James on my chest was a good moment. One of the ones I think maybe I was made for. My mom was there, my husband, our doula/midwife, and a handful of hospital staff whose faces are blurry to me. The moments after James was delivered are all pretty blurry to me. I was exhausted, relieved, awe-struck, and overwhelmed. But I remember.

I remember seeing the smile on my husbands face as he softly said, “we have a son”
I remember hearing the first cry of the life that grew in my womb
feeling james’ hands wrap around my finger as I held him for the first time
I do not take these things for granted.
I know what a miracle it is, what a gift it is from God to give birth to a life.

I don’t exactly know how life is going to look for our new little family. We still have a lot of figuring out to do, a lot of unknowns. But something changed in me the minute James was born. Something calmed, something settled. Life will never be the same. I have a son!

James

2009-04-29T11:28:00.004-05:00

It's a boy!!

I have many stories to tell and pictures to share but for now I just wanted to let it be known that James entered the world on Friday April 24th, weighing in at 8 lbs 1 oz. We are all exhausted but doing great and loving these first days together. I promise I will share more soon!

The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs

2009-04-15T12:15:00.000-05:00

I've had too much caffeine today (the baby doesn't seem to mind...) and I'm already anxious since my due date is tomorrow (What?!) and it doesn't look like this baby will be on time. SO, what better way to calm ones self than with a game, right? So here it is, a game for a wandering mind like mine, and on a wednesday no less. Wednesday's are for wandering anyway, are they not? I always get my best work done on Friday's, I'm finally warmed up by then...anyway...

The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs:

3 things that are always in my fridge: tortilla's, eggs, butter

Most recent guilty pleasure song: Dead and Gone by TI and Justin Timberlake. I know.... I'm surprised too.

Favorite class from high school: creative writing

If I could grow anything perfectly in my backyard it would be: tomatoes. I just love the smell of fresh tomatoes. And I can't decide on a single herb or flower.

Most Used Wedding Gift: KitchenAid Mixer (if not-married, you can answer with most used gift in general)

Talent I wish I was born with: cooking

Color I would paint my fingernails if I didn't care what people thought of me: Purple. I say this because I have a bottle of light purple fingernail polish that I bought on a whim and occasionally take it out and put it on a finger or toe in the hopes that I will have the courage to finish a whole hand or foot... I never do. One day my friends, one day. The fact remains, I do care what people think of me. What is it I am afraid people will deduct from purple nail polish? Maybe that they will think I'm too childish, not sophisticated enough. You like how I'm finding some deep meaning out of my reluctance to be daring with nail polish? moving on...

Favorite thing to find in your lunchbox as a child: I think I'll go with pringles.

Age you would not like to revisit: 13

Age you would like to revisit: 10

Book I still haven't finished but is on the top of my finish list: The Omnivore's Dilemma

And finally,

Day I think Alli will give birth to her first child that is due tomorrow: I'm pulling for this saturday, the 18th.

If you need a distraction for a few minutes today, feel free to leave your answers in the comments! I'll let you know when this baby comes!

Afraid

2009-04-07T21:30:00.002-05:00

I don’t want to admit that I am. But the fear is undeniable. Debra Rienstra (and her narrative that has been a companion to me through this pregnancy) calls it the “quiet, tensing fear, a constant, high-pitched hum that no one can hear but me.”

There is something lonely about pregnancy that can not be assuaged. I felt this from the very beginning and sort of expected it to go away with time. It has not and possibly will not.

It’s as if a pregnant woman enters this new realm of spiritual mystery, a water that must be traveled alone. For some reason I picture the underground lake from the Phantom of The Opera.

It is traveled alone because there is no other way. I don’t think our human minds or hearts can hold what it means to give birth to a life. We cannot fathom such a miracle, and the mother who carries the child cannot speak of the depth she experiences, simply because she does not have the words.

In the middle of the night, wide awake, I stare at the pack and play in our room where the new baby will sleep very soon. I walk over to it and push the button that turns on it’s nightlight. I touch the fabric where we will soon lay our son or daughter. And I hear the hum. The constant hum that Debra writes about. She says,

“One indisputable truth about pregnancy is that once the baby is in there, it must come out somehow. The end is near, the end is real. The only way out is through.”

I am afraid of the birth itself, I would be a fool not to be. But more than that, I tremble at the enormity of experiencing life on this level. Experiencing the Creator on this level. How is it that He gives us such a taste of something so far beyond our current capacity? I have not yet seen this child's face, and already I am overwhelmed with awe.

April's Noisetrade News

2009-03-31T22:51:00.003-05:00

If you receive my monthly emails then you have already read this, but for those of you who don't here is an exciting update about some fun stuff we're doing with this months noisetrade downloads. (You can download my music by clicking on the links below, or just click on the noisetrade link on the right side of this page down about halfway)

I'm excited to say that you can still get some of Alli's music for free but we're upping the ante a little bit for the next few months... We wanted to give you one more reason to tell your friends about Alli's music and we wanted to help a few amazing causes in the process. So for the next six months we're going to be giving away Alli's music but what's different is that each month the person that tells the largest number of friends about Alli's music will get one of each of Alli's records (including her records that are now out of print One EP, At Sea: Live, and The Silent Stars EP) and a t-shirt absolutely free, the more friends you tell the better chance you have of winning! (please note that you must initiate the download process by clicking on the link in the confirmation email and then again on the following screen each time you "tell 5 friends" otherwise the system won't recognize how many people you've told, but then after that you can cancel the download).

At the end of the six months we will pick at random one monthly winner out of the six to receive a free iPod shuffle, "the brand new music player from apple that talks to you!" You can also post the free music widget (above) on your Facebook, MySpace, blog, website, and much more. For more information on how to get started just click here!

The other new twist is that 100% of all the net proceeds (NoiseTrade takes 10% to cover the credit card fees and admin, etc.) that come in from people who choose to donate money will go to a different non-profit organization every month. This month we're excited to be supporting Not For Sale, an amazing organization that is committed to abolishing modern day slavery around the world.

Thanks so much for all your help spreading the word, we can't do it without you!

(P.S. I wrote about Not For Sale a few weeks ago in this post)

Songs that move me

2009-03-15T22:19:00.002-05:00

Once when I asked my friend Don Chaffer what record he recommend I download from itunes with a gift card he answered, "Ah, whenever I have an itunes gift card I just buy something that moves me." Sounds easy but it makes me think of Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail when he says something (sarcastically) about how easy it is to find "the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy".

I suppose love finds us more than we find love. And I often feel that way about music. Here is a handful of songs that have found me at one time or another. I remember where I was the first time I heard all of them and songs like this become a part of who we are, I think. There are many more and hopefully will continue to be, but here are a few.

David Wilcox- How Did You Find Me Here
I was in High School when I first heard this song. After hearing a friend play "Eye of the Hurricane" from the same record, I bought a copy immediately. A few songs in, this track begins and I was sold. I don't remember where I was but I know it was through headphones that I first felt the weight of this song. It still haunts me, in a good way.

Sara Groves - When it Was Over, Why it Matters
I was sitting in my car about to go for a drive to clear my head when I saw Sara's record, "Add to the Beauty" still in it's packaging on the passenger seat. I had just had a long conversation with my husband about music and how I wasn't sure If I could or wanted to continue playing. When it was over is the first track and before the first chorus was over I was crying with a clear reminder of why I love music and why I write and play music. It was just what I needed. Later, Why It Matters resinated deeply with me as well. I'm very thankful for that record!

Andy Gullahorn/Jill Phillips- Ressurection
Jill, Andy's wife, released this song on her new record, "The Good Things" and I heard it for the first time this last week at Jill's release show. It is one of the most moving songs I've heard in a long time.

Rivers Rutherford- When the Lights go Down (made famous by Faith Hill)
I heard Rivers play this at a songwriters deal before Faith HIll recorded it and fell in love with the story. At the time I was working at some restaurants and the images in the first verse still stay with me.

John Gorka- Houses in the Fields
My husband played me this song when we were dating. We were driving around listening to music after some late night coffee and I remember falling in love with him even more, knowing that he had such good taste in music. :)

The Khrusty Brothers- Sympathy for Jesus
I don't remember the first time I listened to this song because every time I listen to it I put it on repeat for about 5 times after. Something about the raw emotion that Don conveys through this song is... well...I can't really put it into words. It reaches such a unique place in me that most songs don't dare travel.

Tom Conlon- Wake Me
Justin McRoberts Introduced me to Tom Conlon, I listened to this song on his ipod while we drove back to our hotel from a Compassion project in Ecuador. The context I was listening to the song through was just too much, too much.
"until one alarming day when heaven's first chair trumpet player and this whole world gets finally fully redefined...it feels just like dreaming, I almost believe it, Just tell me I'll wake up forever one day... and it's just temporary things that I'm seeing..."

I'm so thankful God gave us music.

How Do You Write a Song?

2009-03-03T09:14:00.003-06:00

Do the lyrics come first? Or the music? How long does it take you?

These are questions I do not know how to answer. It can not be explained, in my opinion. The way I cannot explain how I feel after seeing the sunrise over the ocean. Often it takes weeks, months, years to finish a song. However, after I post this I will head to a writing "appointment" with another writer where we will probably start and finish a song in 4 hours. This is one way to write. But even there, even in the fast food of songwriting, my best moments are when I dive in, when I commit, when I give. I do think that the best songs are written exactly as Annie Dillard explains here in her book "The Writing Life". I have never heard it explained quite this way.

This, my friends, is how you write a song:

To find a honey tree, first to catch a bee. Catch a bee when its legs are heavy with pollen; then it is ready for home. It is simply enough to catch a bee on a flower: hold a cup or glass above the bee, and when it flies up, cap the cup with a piece of cardboard. Carry the bee to a nearby open spot-best an elevated one- release it, and watch where it goes. Keep your eyes on it as long as you can see it, and hie you to that las known place. Wait there until you see another bee; catch it, release it, and watch. Bee after bee will lead toward the honey tree, until you see the final bee enter the tree. Thoreau describes this process in his journals. So a book leads its writer.

You may wonder how you start, how you catch the first one? What do you use for bait?

You have no choice. One bad winter in the Arctic, and not too long ago, an Algonquin woman and her baby were left alone after everyone else in their winter camp had starved. Ernest Thompson Seton tells it. The woman walked from the camp where everyone had died, and found at a lake a cache. the cache contained one small fishhook. It was simple to rig a line, but she had no bait, and no hope of bait. The baby cried. She took a knife and cut a strip from her own thigh. She fished with the worm of her own flesh and caught a jackfish; she fed the child and herself. OF course she saved the fist gut for bait. She lived alone at the lake, on fish, until spring, when she walked out again and found people. Seton's informant had seen the scar on her thigh.

I See You

2009-02-24T12:51:00.001-06:00

I sneezed...and then I sneezed again...and again. Three sneezes.

The man across the isle from me offers a “bless you” and smiles when I turn to give him a thankful nod. “I see you”, he’s saying with his gesture. “I hear you”. He sips his gin and tonic at 10 in the morning and for a 5 hour flight on Southwest I don’t blame him. I love Southwest but they’re not afraid to pack in the people and for long flights it gets a little... well, long.

Earlier I watched the flight attendant's face as he brought our drinks around on his plastic tray, balancing it all like a circus act as the plane shuffled in the wind. He is a smiler, but not an over-smiler. He offered the cokes and coffees and “adult beverages” with kindness, looking briefly into the passengers eyes but never lingering there. He’s probably found that to be the best way to interact with this plane of people all tightly squeezed together like family in a van on vacation to Florida, but not at all like family in a van on vacation to Florida because Lord knows we are not talking or playing games or even fighting with each other. Most of us are happy to remain quiet and anonymous.

Sneeze! Again. “Bless you!”. Mr. gin and tonic smiles once more.

Do you ever find yourself so far removed from the present that you forget where you are, who you are, when you are, if you even...are? Maybe it is just me but in those moments there is something about hearing my name said out loud, or the “bless you” from a stranger that jolts me back to reality with a gentle reminder that I do in fact, exist.

“I see you.”, “I hear you.”

Pregnancy sort of rules out anonymity. It’s like I have a red flashing light on my belly that says, “Look here! Check me out! Is this crazy or what?!”. People ask me questions and make comments as if it’s totally normal to bring attention to someone's current state of being. You never hear strangers say “Oh you’re short aren’t you!” or “Wow that’s a lot of makeup you have on today!”. Normally we don’t point out all the things we see about each other. But with pregnancy, people see you and they let you know. I’ve found it to be sort of comforting. A constant reminder that I am here, in this moment, with all these other souls who are also here, in this moment. And I want to remember this season with all it’s changing winds. I want to feel the shuffling plane as it moves through the air pockets, I want to smell the perfume of the woman near me. I want to feel my husbands knee resting against my leg as he dozes off.

I’m thankful that God gave pregnant women heightened senses. Maybe He didn’t want us to forget these months of such intense miracles happening right before us, inside us. Even this stuffy plane full of strangers is part of my story. I don’t want a gin and tonic to take the edge off. I want to feel this. I want to remember these days. And I embrace the red flashing light on my belly that seems to welcome the stares of everyone around me. Go ahead, see me. I see you too.

Sex Trafficking

2009-02-19T11:17:00.006-06:00

After I wrote this blog I read this article where you can listen to an interview with a former child prostitute and it's a very interesting look into the psychological trauma these girls are put through. It was also brought to my attention that for the rest of February you can download the book Not For Sale for free at this website.Thanks Joanna!

Last night my husband and I attended a meeting led by a women at our church who heads up the Tennessee chapter of this organization called Not For Sale. It is estimated that there are 27 Million slaves in the world today, many of them women and children forced into the sex trade.

"Operating in various countries, Not For Sale Campaign educates and mobilizes an abolitionist movement through open-source activism. Nationally, the Campaign identifies trafficking rings, collaborates with law enforcement and community groups to shut them down and provides aid for victims. Internationally, the campaign partners with poorly resourced abolitionist groups to enhance their capacity."

I've mentioned the International Justice Mission before and there are several others working towards this same goal to free our brothers and sisters who are undergoing such suffering around the world.

I'm still digesting some of the stories we heard last night, including stories of the hundreds of thousands of sex slaves that are brought into the USA every year, into OUR cities, OUR neighborhoods, working out of houses on OUR streets. It is happening all around us, we don't have to go to India to see proof of this horror.

I could throw a bunch of statistics out there (that would shock you)
I could tell some true stories of children taken from their homes and brought to affluent US families to work as their slaves (this actually happens)
I could share verses in the bible that remind us how much this breaks the heart of God. (there are many)

I may do more of all that in the future. Today, I just want to bring this up, start a conversation, raise awareness, and remind myself and you reading to keep our hearts open. The truth is there are many amazing stories of rescue and redemption. There is hope and there are many ways we can be involved.

What ALL of us can do right now is become aware and pray.

Not For Sale works in many states around the country and you may be able to get involved in your own community. Check out their website and please pray. Please pray.

My Traveling Friend

2009-02-12T10:37:00.003-06:00

Below is a video of one of my best friends, Calais. We were inseparable all through school and have been through a lot together. I've written several songs and poems with her in mind and have always been inspired by her. Calais is an amazing artist and an avid traveler. She is applying for the STA World Traveler Internship and made this video as part of the application. She is the PERFECT person for this job and I know we would all have a blast following her and learning from her journey's, as many people already have from her past travels. If you have a minute, please watch the video below, show your friends, comment on the video, etc., it'll all help her out!
I love you Cal!

my thoughts to you

2009-02-09T17:28:00.006-06:00

I haven't been blogging much cause all I can think to blog about are baby things. And I don't want to overwhelm you reading with baby things. But alas.... baby things.

Yesterday at church I realized that I've been talking to this child in my mind, as if since it is inside my body it can hear my thoughts. Would you call me crazy if I told you I actually thought the baby was affected by my thoughts? I won't go so far to say I think the baby can hear my thoughts, but I believe something must be happening in the spirit so this life can already sense joy and sadness, fear and anxiety. And I find myself very conscious of this during worship.

As the people around me stood, I sat and listened to the voices. They were singing:

Holy Holy Holy
Lord God Almighty
Early in the morning, our song shall rise to thee!

and I was thinking:

These are Gods Children singing together, baby! Do you hear the voices? These are His sons and daughters, like you. Do you hear it? Isn't it the most beautiful sound?

When I take communion:

This is Jesus, baby. This is his grace that I'm giving you right now. I know it's nothing you haven't already tasted, bread and juice, but this is different. One day I'll try to explain but the truth is, I don't really understand myself. Your mom has made mistakes, baby. And I will with you, I know. I'm sorry. Already, I'm sorry I can't be perfect for you. But this is my manna. I will show you what I mean. Lord help me show this child... this is grace, baby. this is grace you're tasting.

and when I feel him or her moving, when I see the rumbles underneath my skin... I have no thoughts. It is often the only time I have no inner monologue. No song lyrics rushing by like a river, no worries standing up like boulders, no ponderings floating along like leaves. I have no thoughts, I only feel.

peace.

I want you to keep moving, because when you move my world stops.

Twitter

2009-02-01T10:04:00.004-06:00

I've resisted.

and failed.

It's true, I joined twitter. I was a skeptic for a good while but decided to give it a shot. So if you know or care what twitter is, my username is allirogers.

maybe once I really get the hang of it I'll write a blog trying to convince you how great it is, but I'm still sorting out what I think. :) I have some friends like Justin and Keely who really love it so I'm taking their word for it!

A Poem is a Window

2009-01-20T16:02:00.003-06:00

Only three presidents have commisioned poets to write poems to be read at their innagurations.

Robert Frost read at the inauguration of JFK in 1961, Maya Angelou at the inauguration of Bill Clinton in 1993, Miller Williams in 1997 for the second inauguration of Bill Clinton, and Elizabeth Alexander who read today for the inauguration of Barak Obama.

When Robert Frost took the podium in 1961, the sun and the cold hindered him from seeing clearly the words to "Dedication", which he had written for the occasion. Instead, he recited a poem called "The Gift Outright" by memory. I love this story!

Maya Angelou read her beautiful poem, On the Pulse of Morning in 1993 and Miller Williams read Of History and Hope in 1997. Today, Elizabeth Alexander read her poem, Praise Song For the Day. Her delivery was not as powerful as someone like Maya Angelou, but she read a stunning poem that I look forward to reading again once it's published. A stanza that I loved was,

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air,
any thing can be made, any sentence begun.
on the brink, on the brim, on the cusp,
praise song for walking forward in that light.

There were several artistic expressions included in todays ceremony. Aretha Franklin singing "My Country Tis of Thee", the quartet of Yo-Yo Ma on cello, Itzhak Perlman on violin, Gabriela Montero on piano and Anthony McGill on clarinet, the choirs, the beautiful prayers of Rick Warren and Rev. Joseph E. Lowery, and Elizabeth's poem. I'm so thankful for these creations that made their way into such a formal ceremony. I hope future presidents follow Kennedy, Clinton and Obama and realize the power of something as seemingly simple as a poem.

“A poem is a window that hangs between two or more human beings who otherwise live in darkened rooms.”
-Stephen Dobyns

Snow Dogs

2009-01-13T12:01:00.004-06:00

A new year always feels like starting a car in the freezing cold; it takes a little time to get warmed up again. And since we are in Iowa this week, our car is demonstrating this for us quite well. :)

Yesterday I had some down time during what felt like a small blizzard so Oso and I went on a walk. Oso LOVES the snow. The path we walked on was covered in a foot of snow and it was coming down hard enough that our tracks were covered by the time we turned around to walk back to the car. Of course, trot is a better word for Oso and trudge is a better word for me. It was a nice adventure and I enjoyed staring at the beautifully shaped snowflakes landing on my gloves.

I spend much of my time thinking these days. There is much to think about and our future feels a lot like this snowy path, all gloriously foggy and stretched out ahead of us like a measuring tape. (as mentioned in the previous post)

Thinking...thinking...thinking...it's what I do best, according to my strength finder test. :) Thinking so much that my swirling thoughts are having a hard time landing anywhere as this snow does so easily. I'm lost somewhere between the clouds and the ground, still. When some more thoughts land, some will land here I'm sure. I'll keep trudging down the path in the meantime. Hope you don't mind.

How I Wonder What You Are...

2008-12-31T13:10:00.005-06:00

When I was in school the years seemed to start and end at the close of summer. I enjoyed the release of that routine when I left my educational years and entered "adulthood". I like starting over every December 31st. Of course we are not machines and we cannot just hit "empty trash" when the clock strikes midnight. But I still enjoy the ceremony of it.

One of my favorite 2 1/2 year olds named Ruby sleeps with what I call her "entourage". It consists of a blanket (or two, but one specific one of course) a plastic doll, a stuffed cat and often next to her bed, a sippy cup of juice or water. One night this fall while I was watching her she emerged from her sleeping quarters, sippy cup in hand and arms full of her entire entourage. She had the whole quivering lip, I'm so tired but I can't sleep thing happening and it was one of the cutest things I've ever seen. I scooped all of them up and we sang some songs together to get calmed down.

"Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are..."

Oh Ruby...
I carry around an entourage too. From this past year, from every year before that, and sometimes I even borrow baggage from tomorrow. And I wake up afraid too. One day your plastic doll and tired blanket will not be enough to scare the dark away. I fear that day for you but I need not because I know you are carried by arms much bigger than mine, bigger than your parents, and He will always sing with you until you get back to sleep.

"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky..."

This next year is such an unknown for my husband and I. Our roles in life are changing and nothing will stay the same. I suppose not everything will change. We will still love each other and I will still soften each time he says my name. The keys to our house will remain on our keychains and I will soon make baby food with the same food processor we use now. There will be mornings and evenings, suns and moons, as there always has been. But still...I can feel the winds changing direction when I stand outside. I can feel it blowing through my hair as I place my hands where this child grows inside me. I can feel you moving, baby, as your father and I are moving. "Look up!" says the wind. Watch! Listen!

And so we will watch, we will listen. We will enter this new year with great joy and great trust in a strength that surpasses understanding.

The Star, by Jane Taylor

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky!

When the blazing sun is gone,
When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark,—
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Merry Christmas From Oso!

2008-12-25T12:43:00.001-06:00

Silent Stars EP up on Itunes!

2008-12-19T22:48:00.004-06:00

The Silent Stars EP is finally up on itunes! Just in time for Christmas. :) I'm really proud of this project and hope you'll give it a listen and leave a review if you want.

There is also a review up about the EP here,

and

my blog was voted one of the top 10 artist blogs of 08 by CMcentral.com!
I'm very grateful for the support!

Tell me a Story

2008-12-17T10:35:00.006-06:00

I love reading novels. Sometimes I look at the stack of non-fiction sitting next to my reading chair and feel guilty reaching for the one novel on top of the endless parade of (I'm sure wonderful) books on spirituality, healthy living, and an array of interesting topics that I would love to be more knowledgable on. But the truth is I am a sucker for a good story. This is why I do love non-fiction writers like Frederick Buechner and Annie Dillard; they use story to portray deep truth. This is something Jesus did as well, which I am constantly reminding myself of when I start to feel guilty for reading so many novels and only a handful of non-fiction books. I need not feel guilty, I know this. Story is good for my soul, good for my songwriting even. And I think I learned much more about my own faith while reading this last novel than I would have by reading the latest self-help spirituality book.

The book I just finished is Christ The Lord: Road to Cana by Anne Rice. I was moved deeply by her portrayal of Jesus as a 30 year old man about to start (what we call) His ministry. If you like fiction and the story of Christ interests you, you'll love her two books on His life. Christ The Lord: Out of Egypt was also wonderful. I could go on and on but I don't want to sound like an episode of reading rainbow. I'll just say thank you Anne, for writing something that must not have been easy to write so that the life of Christ could come alive for us readers.

Thank God for the writers, the poets, the artists. I need these people!

22 Weeks

2008-12-11T09:07:00.000-06:00

I'm not one to post on this sort of thing, but I couldn't let this one go because I myself, am 22 weeks pregnant this week.

There is a movie out called "22 Weeks" about a mother who went in to an abortion clinic at 22 weeks pregnant and ended up giving birth to her live child in the bathroom by herself, with workers refusing to help her keep him alive. No matter your stance on abortion, this is a story that needs to be told and I'm anxious to see it. Watch the trailer here, and read the article they refer to here.

from their myspace page:
"A film about decisions, their effects and the echos they leave behind. Based on the shocking World Net Daily article by Ron Strom, on victim's testimonies, and real 911 calls about one of the most controversial subjects of our time, "22weeks" achieves to confront both sides of the spectrum and their perspective to the on going question: "what would you do?"
This is the shocking true story about the reality behind abortion and the heroic struggle of a mother willing to do anything to save her child."

Time and It's Trappings

2008-12-08T13:50:00.003-06:00

I’m sitting once again at a favorite coffee shop of mine, hot chocolate in hand, Christmas music playing from the speakers, considering the last year of my life. Lately I’ve been struck by the abstract nature of time. I know time is passing, I know the green grass has dried up and turned brown, the flies that invaded my house this past summer have finally left, and I will soon (as I did last year and the year before) have to think twice before I write the date on my checks. I know this is happening. I know.

At church yesterday I watched the children run across the wood floors of the old building we meet in, and I was struck at how fast they are growing! Wasn’t she just pregnant? When did that little girl turn in to a teenager? When did that cute baby get out of that stroller and start walking around?! When did this happen? Well, over time. Over these last years.

This reminder of time’s unforgiving consistency is what causes me to consider my life of 2008. A year in which not much has changed from it’s beginning to now. It seems. A year in which I wrote dozens of songs, some of those songs ended up on a couple records, I played dozens of shows, traveled to many places, watched too many hours of television, read some books, got slightly better at playing the piano, met some new people, grew some relationships, and hopefully learned some things. But it seems to be a dud of a year when I consider the children in my life who have done things like learned how to talk, how to walk, or how to eat solid food! Now THOSE are big accomplishments. This is the point in my thought process when I realize how much our culture shapes the way I look at my life. Culture tells me that my worth is found in what I have accomplished, when I know this is not true.

When I sign off of this website, I’ll still be pondering the funny abstraction of time and how it seems to change it’s dimensions as I get older, but I'll stop pondering what I’ve done over the last year because I know my means of measurement are way off. Here is the first verse and chorus of a song called “Trophies” that I wrote recently with my friend Stephen Gause. Seems appropriate.

Trophies

I have nothing to prove
though I know this to be true
still I will try not to lose
this game where worth is found in what we do

fighting for my survival, to earn my place in line
a status and a title, as if that were the prize

Trophies in my hands
fall apart like castles in the sand
it’ll all be washed away
there I’ll stand with nothing left to say
cause your love has sustained me
your love has sustained me

Baby Feet

2008-12-02T15:56:00.003-06:00

Below is my favorite image from our 20 week ultra sound! It was so amazing to get to see the little life growing inside me, too much to explain in words. These little feet and little toes were the first thing we saw on the screen and I think it's quite appropriate to direct you who are reading to this poem I wrote last April 18th. Our Baby is due this April 16th according to one doctor and 20th according to another. So I'm going to say the 18th, which was my original estimation anyway and I enjoy knowing that what I wrote on April 18th of 08 might just have been about our little miracle to be born a year later. It sure makes more sense to me today than it did then. Read it here: By The Feet of a Little One.

A Thankful Game

2008-11-26T09:00:00.003-06:00

God has given us much. We all have countless reasons to be thankful in every circumstance. Here are some specifics:

Something Functional in my house that I'm thankful for is:

My washer and dryer. Thank God for washers and dryers.

Something about my body that I'm thankful for is:

The way it tells me when I'm too stressed out. Trust me, my body knows and lets me know pretty quickly. I'm also thankful that God gave me a body that responds so positively to music. It works better than any drug at aleviating the stress.
Also, my sense of taste. I've been especially thankful for taste with this 2nd trimester business. :)

Something hard that I've been through that I'm thankful for is:

Moving away from home and readjusting somewhere else. Being away from my family is never easy, but I am so thankful for what I've learned from it and how I've grown and changed. I also met my husband here so I can't complain!

Something about this country that I'm thankful for is:

It's diversity. We have a diverse group of people calling this country home and I love that in a 5 mile radius from my house I can find restaurants making food from all over the globe.

Something about 2008 that I'm thankful for is:

The gift of this life growing inside me. I'm thankful that God would let us be a part of such an amazing miracle.

A word I'm thankful for is:

Restore

A sound I'm thankful for is:

laughter

A place in nature I'm thankful for is:

the mountains

Feel free to post your own thankful thoughts, Happy Thanksgiving!

Faith on the Today Show

2008-11-24T14:28:00.002-06:00

One thing I love about the holiday's is the way themes of faith and stories about Jesus find their way to places like NBC. I saw Faith Hill on the Today show this morning singing Joy to the World, and was struck at the beauty of the lyrics. What a message to be singing for such a Politically Correct crowd!

Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let earth receive her King!
Let every heart prepare Him room
and heaven and nature sing.

Joy to the World!

Christmas EP!

2008-11-14T14:25:00.003-06:00

Some of you know that I just finished a Christmas record called The Silent Stars EP. It's 3 of my own songs, and 3 Christmas hymns that I've re-written the melody for. I'm really proud of it and am anxious to share it with you!

I've had some questions about it and let me tell you a couple things. First of all, you can pre-order 2 copies of the record from my website for only $9.99 which is a pretty great deal. Yes, it will be up on itunes but not for a few weeks which will be after the pre-orders are sent out. You can listen to "I Heard The Bells on Christmas Day" right here on this page on my noisetrade widget. What is a noisetrade widget? It's that box halfway down this page on the right side that allows you to listen, download, and share my music all for free. Also check out the cover art of a Christmas rose, which I is just beautifully done by Jett Butler of Foda Studio.

You can also watch this video of my version of "O Little Town of Bethlehem". I hope you like what you hear!

what I'm reading

2008-11-12T22:37:00.003-06:00

Mary’s task was the bearing and raising of a child, which can operate as a symbol of all things that require great effort and bear fruit far beyond the personal rewards involved. But the literal bearing and raising of a child is indeed a calling, a mission, and moments of joyous surprise and expectation have the shadow of a cost. I think this is why the first several weeks of pregnancy typically feature an assortment of discomforts: we need reminding, and this is especially true in our self-indulgent culture, that if we foolishly imagine for a minute that parenthood is an accomplishment or achievement or right, sooner or later something will smack us with the realization that it is, above all, a surrender.

from the book Great With Child,
Debra Rienstra

A game for distraction

2008-11-07T14:56:00.002-06:00

If I were 7 again I would....
Take piano lessons

If their were an extra hour in the day...
I would not be able to stay awake

my junk food indulgence of choice is...
potato chips

the color yellow makes me think of...
dandelions

the most used item in my kitchen is...
a non-stick saute pan from Ikea

your turn... :)

Campaign Update

2008-11-06T14:35:00.002-06:00

Although we hoped tuesday November 4th would be the day of determining my Dad's future in the Iowa State Senate, we have been left without a final verdict. My dad was ahead all night and many celebrated his win before absentee ballots were in. However, the absentee ballots have closed the gap more than we thought they would and we are left in the balance. Here is a statement from waltrogers.org for those of you who are interested:

Many of you are asking us how things are going with the ongoing vote count in our campaign. We want to take this opportunity to give you an update.

As of tonight, and after counting an additional 143 absentee ballots today, we are leading by 65 votes out of over 31,000 total votes cast. There are still some votes left to be counted, including provisional ballots and remaining absentee ballots.

Results will not be final for several days yet.

Although there are no guarantees, we still believe that Walt will maintain his lead, and that when the counting is done, Walt will have won this election.

We will provide additional updates on our website at www.waltrogers.org as they become available.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers over the coming days, and thanks for your support!

Walt Rogers for Iowa Senate!

2008-11-03T12:57:00.005-06:00

I've been in Iowa the last few days for the end of my dad's campaign. He's running for the Iowa State Senate. It's been exciting to be a part of it! He has a lot of support in the community and it's been encouraging to see so many people volunteering their time and energy because they believe in the man that he is.

The last few days I've had a chance to help bring some literature to houses in the area. It's been fun to walk door to door alongside my family in support of my dad. He's worked so hard these last months and I'm proud to be his daughter!

He will be an amazing servant to the people of Iowa and the kind of leader that is needed in government! If you happen to live in the Cedar Falls, Waterloo, or Hudson, Iowa area, please vote for Walt Rogers tomorrow!

Here are some pictures from the summer:

Encore

2008-10-31T15:36:00.002-05:00

I've posted this picture before but in the spirit of halloween I'm re-posting this picture of Oso's dog cousin, Bumper. It just makes me smile too much. :) Happy Candy Hunting!

Inspiration Lately

2008-10-27T09:19:00.002-05:00

The other night we went to see the Art Music Justice tour with Sara Groves, Charlie Peacock, Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken, and Brandon Heath. My husband works with some of these folks and I love their music so I expected it to be a fun night of seeing friends and enjoying some music. But it was so much more than that.

There were multiple video’s playing on the screen throughout the night and during the first song, Add to the Beauty, they included quotes from people like Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman, and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I was crying before they even got to the chorus. For some reason it really hit me as I watched a simulation of a flower blooming during Sara singing “Redemption comes in strange places, small spaces, calling out our best, and I wanna add to the beauty...”

My emotions stayed quite fragile during Sandra McCracken’s set, as I kept thinking of her new record and how so many of the songs are inspired by motherhood. Thankfully, I simmered down in the middle but absolutely lost it at the end of the evening. Sara spoke about International Justice Mission which is an amazing organization of lawyers and investigators who are working to free slaves all over the world. Many of them are girls who have been taken into sex trafficking and Sara showed a video of some of the girls who have been freed. Over their pictures were quotes from each of them about what they are afraid of. Or were afraid of during their captivity. You can imagine how heart wrenching this was and it made me so thankful for the men and woman who serve these girls in a way that many of us are no able to do. I was a wreck. Moved deeply. I had to leave right at the end because I was so emotional!

I was moved to be more proactive in my day to day life because even if I cannot be the hands to remove a girl out of a brothel, I can pray for her, and live in a loving way that effects change in the world. I can be faithful with what is in front of me and trust that God will lead me into situations and opportunities to make a difference. I believe our diligence in every day life DOES have an impact on the girl in slavery. Somehow, we are all connected and I must trust that God is the one to weave redemption into the story, my job is to follow him as closely as I can.

Thanks AMJ tour, for taking the time to put together such an inspiring show and for putting your hearts into it every night of the tour!

Tension

2008-10-21T15:19:00.002-05:00

We find comfort among those who agree with us, growth among those who
don't. -Frank A. Clark

It's probably good to remember this right now when there is so much tension in our country. I'm thankful we live in a country that allows tension. Humility cannot grow next to pride and pride is rampant where there is no tension. Conflict, within it's bounds, means we have the possibility of moving forward. This is what I'm telling myself for the next two weeks anyway. :)

Last day of tour...

2008-10-17T11:49:00.004-05:00

I am in Jacksonville, Florida today. Although there are pumpkins on some of these southern porches, it is definitely still summer here. There are lizards running away from my feet on the sidewalk, like ants in Tennessee. There is a river near where the bus is parked and I walked through some neighborhoods to see it this morning. The sun was so hot I didn't stay long, but it was nice to see the wind blowing on the surface of that dark blue water. The other day we were in Wilmington, North Carolina and we could smell the ocean from 4 miles away where we were playing. My hair puffed up like cotton candy and I considered walking the distance just to see the waves, but never actually did.

Tonight is my last show with the Robbie Seay Band. They're great guys and I've had a good time getting to know them on the road. They've been very welcoming of the little lemon growing in my belly (aka: child) and patient with all of the side effects that come with pregnancy. I'm enjoying my last moments on the road, but I can't help being excited to sleep in my own bed for a couple weeks.

I'm tired. I've been getting plenty of sleep, but my soul is tired. I think that God is preparing me for what is ahead... slowly...and I am understanding why he gave us 9 months.

"I am no more lonely than a single mullein or dandelion in a pasture, or a bean leaf, or sorrel, or a horse-fly, or a bumblebee. I am no more lonely than the Mill Brook, or a weathercock, or the north star, or the south wind, or an April shower, or a January thaw, or the first spider in a new house."
-Henry David Thoreau

Thoughts from a plane

2008-10-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

There are too many smells on an airplane for a pregnant women. My hands are cold and I’ve got my eye on the closest doggie bag, just incase. Traveling has become the hardest part of my job. I’m rubbing my eyes, grateful that I did not wear mascara today.

The flight attendant is short with me when I ask for a ginger ale and I lean to Kirk and ask if I look funny, is something wrong with me? No, but you look ticked, he says. Oh. The fingers of your thoughts are molding your face ceaselessly, I think. It’s a quote I read somewhere and am aware that it is quite true of me.

I sigh and wish it was winter already. That would mean I would be good and pregnant and well over this first trimester. That would mean the holidays would be up and running, bringing pumpkin pie and peppermint with them. Winter would mean I would have socks on and a thicker jacket which would keep me warm on this cold plane full of overwhelming smells.

I clearly smell fresh hairspray and do not know who would spray hairspray in a plane. A babies dirty diaper, a mans cologne, brewing coffee, and a package of chips ahoy cookies someone is eating.

And hairspray.

They are turning the overhead lights off, revealing the time change we are crossing and turning my eyes to the pink and blue sky outside. This slows my breathing some. Kirk looks over at me and smiles. I smile back for maybe the first time in an hour and instantly feel better.

The mother daughter duo across the isle has finally ended their movie that they had watched on their portable DVD player without headphones and the volume on full blast so we all heard the music of what I gathered to be some dancing movie. finally I can hear my own music without the thump of a bass drum in the background.

The coffee is now the only thing I’m smelling and I realize that my shoulders have been tensed up for awhile so I try to loosen them up a bit. We are almost to our descent, the captain says.

Planes, trains, and automobiles, I think. Is that what my life has come down to? No, it has not, says a voice in my head. You are being dramatic, it says. And this was really a fine flight, just fine. We even got a row to ourselves with a seat to spare so I actually took a nap at the beginning of the flight.

Oh, life is good. Beautiful in fact. These people with their dancing movies and their hairspray are beautiful. A few rows up a camera flashes a picture of a baby and I hear it laughing with it’s mother. By now it is dark outside and the lights of the city are lining up on the ground below us as we descend. Breath deep, I tell myself, you are almost home. And oh, it was a good flight, I think. Very good.

Debate 08

2008-10-07T15:13:00.006-05:00

Tonight's presidential debate is being held at Belmont University, less than 2 miles from my house. It's a rainy day in Nashville, putting a damper on some of the outdoor events that were to take place around the campus. But it seems the city is proud to be hosting such an event. I know Belmont has been gearing up for some time and I've seen the Debate 08 signs lined up and down Wedgewood Blvd for months and months, since before I even knew what they meant. I remember the first time I saw them I figured it was some political campaign Belmont was putting on for it's students. It's a little more than that, I found out... :)

I drove by around noon today and saw less action than I had hoped for, although it was strange to see the inside of the campus fenced in and surrounded by armed police officers and guards. I could see signs everywhere, some camera crews, people walking around in groups, and some sort of fair put on by the students. From my car, I snapped this picture of the entrance to the event center that the debate will take place. Nothing too exciting, but you can see the fence blocking anyone from entering and the flags marking the entrance. What you can't see are all the guards that I didn't happen to capture standing just to the right of the frame.

I am, in fact, rather opinionated about this election, but I'm so tired of the constant buzz of argument happening around me that I've lost most of my energy for debate. Everyone is so revved up this time around and I can't even turn on a news channel without hearing two people disagreeing about something. For now, I'd like to just be friends on this blog and avoid talking politics. You never know, I may get worked up in the following weeks and write about some things, after all, my dad is running for office this year, and I am pregnant. So emotions are very near the surface these days!

Overall, I'm excited to be in Nashville today and am anxious to watch the debate tonight. On TV, by the way, they selected independent voters to be in the audience. Hope you tune in as well!

A Thankful Church

2008-09-30T16:40:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday I had the privilege of playing a couple songs at a church in Vancouver, WA. The congregation of this church is mostly made up of people who have or are struggling with an addiction and many of them have served time in prison. You could call it a recovery church, and although I would say every church is a recovery church (or should be) there is something unique about recovering from the kind of pit many of these people have been in. When you’ve been down to the depths where there is only darkness, the slightest hint of light is enough hope to live on for days. And these people in Vancouver had hope, boy did they have hope!

Before the service Kirk and I got to pray with some of the church leaders. I’ve been a part of my share of church services across the country. All sorts of churches and all sorts of people, and the prayer before a service is normally filled with requests that the service go smoothly, that the Lord would be present, all great things to pray about. But as the circle of prayer chimed around me what I heard was

“Lord, thank you for waking me up this morning...”
“Father, thank you for saving me from destruction and bringing my children back to me..”
“Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to live again...”

Every single prayer was overflowing with gratitude and it moved me deeply. I actually had to bend my knees and sit down because I was so overwhelmed (and light headed, probably the babies fault as well :)

Out of that thankfulness came a natural attitude for worship, and the room filled with people bouncing with energy. Although I was part of the service, there was no talk of how the order would go, when lights would come on or off, who would introduce who, what time the service needed to be over, etc.. The focus truly was on worship and community, which was so refreshing.

They sang songs about being free and any chance they had to sing the words “I am free”, they yelled it! They know what it is to be in bondage and they know what it means to be free. As someone who grew up in the church, it was such a wonderful reminder for me of God’s grace and how powerful it is. And also, how celebratory it should be when someone is set free! What a miracle all those people are. I only heard a few stories but the ones I heard amazed me. It had me thinking, if God can turn her life around, he can turn anyone’s life around. I should be thinking those thoughts every day, Lord help me remember!

I was so blessed by these people and found my songs taking on new meanings as I played them. I’m so thankful that they let me be a part of their service!

Thou rising morn, in praise rejoice
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him, O praise him,
Alleluia!

Sunday in Seattle with Scott Erickson

2008-09-26T16:01:00.009-05:00

Happy Friday everyone! I am headed to the Seattle area this weekend for a couple shows. I wanted to post and point out the sunday night show that I'm really excited about. I once posted about Scott Erickson and the Transpire Project and I'm excited to tell you that Sunday's show will feature Scott and his live painting!

I love Scott's work and am honored to get to share the stage with him. If you're in the Seattle are please come out and enjoy a night of music and live painting at a fun, inviting coffee house. I'd love to see you!

Oso the Wonder Dog

2008-09-22T16:00:00.000-05:00

My puppy, Oso, has been sick this last week. I've been out of town and it's killing me to be away, but in the last couple days he has started eating again and looks like he is on his way to a full recovery! I was really upset when he didn't seem to be getting better and am so thankful that he has turned around. I love that little guy. We took him in last winter and have loved watching him grow. He's a big dog now! Here is a video I made as my tribute to Oso (the wonder dog). It has some images of him as a lazy little puppy and also some more recent clips of him playing and swimming (his favorite thing to do!). I found the perfect song sung by Chet Baker too. :)

A week in photo's....

2008-09-18T15:57:00.011-05:00

Still in Texas... The hurricane left a wake of beautiful weather which seems welcomed by the whole state. It's great! Here are a few fun pictures from this week:

The other day while we were driving we stopped at a gas station that had a Czech bakery inside and of course, everyone had to get something. I decided my safest bet was a texas shaped sugar cookie with red, white and blue sprinkles. I might as well embrace texas while I'm here, is what I figured. I didn't end up eating much of the cookie, BUT, the best part was that they wrote my name on the bag before they gave it to the cashier and when I sat down in the van to pull out my texas cookie, I noticed that my name was spelled right!! This NEVER happens. It's an easy enough name, but happens to have many spelling variations. Ali, Ally, Alley, Allie, Aly. I get them all. But it was right!! Alli. This totally made my day, as strange as that sounds. :)

And at lunch yesterday in College Station a nice guy who was eating with us, who goes by the name Frodo gave me the lid to his tea which happened to have a message that seemed especially pertinent to my specific situation:

It's kinda blurry, but it says: When in doubt, consult your inner child. :) Oh I will, and I am, trust me.

And here is a picture of the Palace Theater in Bryan, TX where we are playing tonight. (Chris is not at tonights show)

In other news... My sweet dog Oso is really sick. If you pray and do not feel strange praying for a dog, pray for Oso! I'm working on a video of him that I'll post soon. Until then...

Misc. Update

2008-09-15T14:52:00.003-05:00

Hello from Dallas where the weather is surprisingly wonderful! I Know it's been a crazy and for some people devastating week here in Texas because of Hurricane Ike and I pray that those of you affected will find peace in all of it. It's been quite a year of natural disasters here in the states. Crazy.

Because of the storm, we've had to cancel some of the Hope Coffee Melody shows, and I'll miss seeing some of you in Houston, and meeting new faces. Hopefully we'll make it back there again when everything settles.

For now I'm enjoying a couple unexpected days in one place and am spending my time writing. I feel like I just finished You and the Evening Sky, but I'm starting to think about songs for the next record, which is always a fun period of time. That season before I feel like I need to write, and can just enjoy it. I think I'll do something different for the next record... we'll just have to wait and see what blooms. Funny how the winter tends to be one of my most creative times. I do love sweaters and hot chocolate. :)

Unrelated, but interesting, I read this article earlier on Zach's blog and thought it was a great story! If you like dogs, you'll love reading this.

... and a tour is not the only thing beginning.

2008-09-11T15:16:00.006-05:00

I have a bit of news...

Some of you know that I was supposed to be in Uganda this past week with Compassion. And I was planning on going up until about a month ago when I found out that I was...

pregnant!!!

It's true, there is a human being being woven together by the hands of God in my womb. That is a crazy concept, trust me, it's blowing my mind.

I am only 8 weeks along but it's changing the way I look at everything. I know it's early to be telling people, especially the world wide web. (!) But I want this blog to be an honest place where I can write what is on my heart and connect with people. And what is on my heart lately is this baby. Which is why my blogging has been less frequent, I can't think of anything else to write about! Sort of like when I got Oso, I suppose. But this is slightly different. ;)

There you have it. Not that I have that off my chest, I'm sure I'll be writing more. For now, I'm going to ask for prayers. Being on the road isn't easy, and fortunately I'm traveling with great guys who barely even let me carry anything, but I need Gods strength to stay healthy (and sane). So I am grateful for any words you would speak to the Father on my behalf. Thank you!

I'll keep you updated...

A tour begins...

2008-09-11T15:00:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I flew to Dallas to meet up with the Robbie Seay Band and Chris Taylor for the Hope, Coffee, and Melody tour. Last's nights show was a part of another event, and I only ended up playing a couple songs due to some time restraints. Thanks to your sweet comments about wanting to hear more! Hopefully I'll be back through Dallas soon.

Today we are in Waco at Common Grounds coffee shop. I've played here a couple times before and always enjoy it. I'm actually going to be back here on November 8th (my birthday!) with Waterdeep, Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken. Not a bad place to be on your birthday! I'm looking forward to tonight, and the 8th and I'm so grateful to be traveling with such amazing people this fall, it's a blessing.

If you're around Waco today, come out and drink some coffee, hear some music, and hopefully walk away feeling hopeful. That is the plan anyway. :)

Impossible to Eat Just One

2008-09-08T16:42:00.002-05:00

I have another Soul-Audio blog for you- discussing 100 Calorie Packs, Dishwashers, and sin nature...

Read it here.

Ripening Grapes

2008-09-08T14:26:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't been blogging much but I plan to make up for it this week. For now, here is another favorite quote of mine.

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
-Galileo Galilei

Good to remember...

2008-09-02T14:18:00.005-05:00

Not all those that wander are lost.
-J.R.R. Tolkien

Compassion Headquarters

2008-08-29T14:26:00.003-05:00

I spent the last two days in Colorado Springs for a Compassion DVD taping. It was a training video for compassion artists and speakers and was a very fun time with a diverse group of people whose common thread is our passion for children. Here is a picture of Chris Taylor and I having some fun in front of the Compassion offices here.
(Chris and I are about to leave for a tour with The Robbie Seay Band!)

As we were touring the Compassion headquarters my eyes were constantly drawn away from the group and onto the artwork that decorated the walls. It was artwork done by children that are a part of the compassion program and it was beautiful! Some of their creations were also heart wrenching, a mixing of trees and flowers with guns and symbols of war. I’m aware that for some of those kids, that is their reality and it breaks my heart. But it also brings me hope because the fact that their picture is up on the wall means that somebody is writing that child letters letting them know how special they are, and somebody at their church knows what their favorite sport is, knows where they live, and is loving them with the love of Christ. I can't tell you how much I respect this organization. Please check out the work they do!

Olympic Musings

2008-08-24T22:00:00.004-05:00

For the last two weeks I have been captivated by the drama of the Beijing Olympics. My jaw fell as I watched the opening ceremonies, stunned by the creativity of Zhang Yimou and moved by the significance of so many bodies acting as one. From that moment they had me. My husband and I spent many of our August evenings watching race after race, game after game, in awe of the dedication and possibility in Gods diverse children.

Tonight as they were showing clips from various sports I started crying. This has been a common occurrence while watching the olympics. I am moved by the raw emotion one exudes after achieving a goal, or failing to achieve a goal. And these athletes are not putting on a show for the camera's. At times I almost felt like I was seeing something I shouldn't be seeing, it felt too personal.

I think when anything stems out from our physical bodies, the emotional companions are intense.

when an athlete lives and breathes their sport, when they eat and sleep according to what will benefit their performance, when they dream of nothing but becoming better, even the best, when their goals drive them for years prior to one specific event... that event must be monumental!

I know every athelete in Beijing has been told in their life that they could not do it. Whether they heard those words audibly or in their own head, I know they heard them. And so to watch the tears come after a race is won or lost, moves me deeply. At some point they had to choose to follow a different voice. This requires courage. The fact that they have even made it to the starting line reveals courage.

And so... I am reminded to dream, to work hard, and to remember that I can only control what I can control. What matters is putting everything I have out there with abandon. As much as I would love to win the race and as much as I would love to be validated in my work, all that I can control is how much of myself I choose to give.

I think I'll go watch Rudy or something now... or listen to some Morgan Freeman commercials on utube... or at least drink a Coca-Cola. :)

To Embrace One's Brokenness...

2008-08-23T13:10:00.001-05:00

“To embrace one’s brokenness, whatever it looks like, whatever has caused it, carries within it the possibility that one might come to embrace one’s healing, and then that one might come to the next step: to embrace another and their brokenness and their possibility for being healed. To avoid one’s brokenness its to turn ones back on the possibility that the healer might be at work here, perhaps for you, perhaps for another. It is to turn one’s back on another, one for whom you just might be the Christ, one for whom you might, even if just for a moment, become the body and the blood.”
-Robert Benson. from the book Living Prayer

The Curse of the Metronome

2008-08-18T10:22:00.002-05:00

Ooooooh, it sounds mysterious doesn't it? This is the title of my new soul-audio blog. check it out here!